Options and possibilities

This is the 3rd time, I've tried to make this post. Well, not this exact post but you should know what I mean. Once I tried to post it and instead deleted it and the other time the computer froze so I just had to shut it down. So annoying especially since I always write so much. I swear I'd almost finished rambling.

Anyways, my boss became more reasonable last Wednesday I guess. He decided to let me leave (after checking the figures, I'm sure) as long as I repaid the airfare. I really don't like how deceptive it sounds in the contract. Resign before completing 6 months should just have to do with working there for 6 months. I really wish I'd followed through the last time. He also said he would sign the letter of release if my new school (wherever that may be) agreed to pay half the recruiting fee. I guess that would be fair if I didn't get my job through a recruiter but unfair to make me agree to something that a future employer would do. I don't know what will happen with that. I wish I knew how much the recruiter fee was. Oh, I forget to mention that my plane ticket was more than I thought. 1.6 million yen. Yeah, I don't know why my boss would say yen either. But that's about double what I was hoping it was. I haven't seen an actual figure. I really wish I hadn't been rushed over here like I was. Those airlines and there policies. Good thing I didn't have to fly first class I guess. I'll end up getting a return flight out of it at least. Jupiter was going to see if he could refund it though. I might never use it.

Or I might use it right away. Actually, I don't know. I talked to my parents last night. They both expressed how much they'd like me to come home. They even mentioned how all the gas stations and grocery stores were looking for people. Geez, Mom and Dad, I don't know what you think my future plans are but I don't remember gas jockey ever coming up before. It's one of my parents indicators as to the general job market but really the sound of it just depresses me. I have no reason to go back to Edmonton. I mean my parents are there but how much fun are they to hang out with? I don't know anyone in Edmonton anymore so I'd basically be starting fresh wherever I went. I really wish I still kept in contact with people from high school, or that I had made more and better friends in college(same for high school really), and that everyone I know weren't scattered over North America. I can't really live in the US without (lots of maybe) paperwork but I don't really want to live there anyway. I think that's one of the reasons I'm hanging on to the idea of staying here. I have one good friend here which is more than I can say about a lot of other places. I'm becoming quite a downer lately so who knows maybe that won't last. Then again he'll be leaving in 4 months. If I have to rebuild a life somewhere though it might as well be here. Actually, I don't know.

I've been having all these crazy thoughts. I could leave Korea which wouldn't upset me really except that I don't think I've really experienced much of Korea and I didn't make as much money as I thought I would. If only I had been placed at a decent school to begin with. I think my 2 problems are that I'm too trusting and make my decisions too impulsively. This college is going to give me a scholarship. Well, ok. I think I only have 2 regrets and going to that school is one of them. Sorry TAMUCC people. Well, maybe it's more that I stayed there for so long. I really wonder how much money I spent my last year on plane tickets. Let's see from September 2003 to December 2004, I flew to Seattle, Indianapolis, Los Angeles (I guess fall 2003 wasn't bad), Rochester back from DC, Chicago, Los Angeles to Tampa back to Corpus (still not that bad), Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Charleston, SC, Los Angeles (again, I know), Mexico City and those are the ones I remember at the moment. I guess that's only 11 and I didn't pay for 2 of them since they were parent related (met them in Las Vegas and Tampa). That's 9 and I would have to say they were all about 300 each so that's probably about $2500. Hmmm... I don't know how I feel about that. Then there was a road trip I took to El Paso once and another one to Memphis with my mother(strange). I went so many places in the US that year. I'm going to list for curiosity's sake and this post probably won't make it either.
Starting from my return to Corpus in July 2003:
Edmonton
Seattle (Halloween)
Indianapolis (also Bluffton and Fort Wayne, IN for Thanksgiving)
Edmonton for xmas
LA for New Years
Road trip to Memphis through Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Louisiana (mom's visit)
Rochester to DC via Ithaca, Williamstown, Providence, Boston, New York (spring break)
Chicago (no particular reason)
Los Angeles to Tampa back to Corpus Christi (post spring semester pre summer session)
Austin several times, ditto San Antonio
Dallas
El Paso and Las Cruces, NM (strange weekend had to get out of Corpus urge)
Edmonton
Los Angeles on to Vegas for Labour Day (I think)
Las Vegas (to see parents)
Charleston, SC (Halloween)
LA (concert)
Mexico City (Thanksgiving break)

It's funny I went to so different places while being in school and working the whole time. I can't believe I went to LA four times in one year. It was split between 2 friends but still. I hadn't been to California in over 10 years and then just bang I was there all the time. I managed to earn a free flight though that will expire in November unless I take another trip on Continental. Hmmm..

Anyways, that was rather pointless. My other thoughts if I'm unable to find anything in Daegu is to go somewhere else in Korea, which I'm not sure how I feel about. Or (and these are my most recent flights of fancy) take a ferry to Vladivostock and catch a train to Moscow and head on to Stockholm. I should be able to do a working holiday program there. I just need to apply for the visa 6 weeks before my arrival there. I could've gone to Australia which was my plan but I need a minimum of $7000 to my name and don't know if I'd be able to manage that. Sweden only required $2000. I don't know about the Netherlands or France. The strange thing about Sweden though is I'd only be going to reacquaint myself with Scandinavia. I could live in Malmo and go to Kbh all the time for sweet Matilde and Cafe Istanbul. It would be so nice but I don't think Copenhagen would be the same without the same people. I could scam a visits from old friends though. If only I'd made more money. Then, I could go back to Alberta and pump gas. I don't know what I'd do in Sweden. I imagine something just as menial but menial outside your city is always better than menial at home with the folks which is where I would live since I'm such a poor loser. That would be like failure really if that happened.

I even thought as I was on my way downtown today that maybe I could sign a full year contract again. I don't know if I want to be here until next October since I need to be on a different continent for my 24th birthday or I will die. Gypsy curse, can't go into it. I'm going to try to find a 6 month contract in central Daegu. I hate telling people where I live and have them give me shocked faces and tell me how far it is. Plus taxi fares are being felt more each day especially now that I owe my boss 1.6 million yen. I hope he just gave me that number to worry me or that he was rounding up at least. I hope it's not 1.68 million won not that it matters much once a certain figure is breached. I guess I'll see how this week goes. I emailed some recruiters and a school or two. I'll be out knocking on hagwon doors tomorrow provided I work my normal hours and have the energy. My early Tuesdays are coming to an end tomorrow. They will be missed. Ok, that's enough contentless drivel for now.

I quit and now it's kind of awkward

This will be a short post. I have to go to Korean lessons in a few minutes.

Last night, I decided to announce my resignation to my boss. He didn't seem that surprised really since I'd tried to quit before and was talked out of it. Plus, that's the only reason I would talk to him when leaving.

Basically, it didn't go very well. I told him my problems with a lot of things. Not everything. I just can't stand teaching 6 classes back to back. I can't even sit down. There are tons of other things though. He told me that there was a chance my schedule could change........ in December. He said he would refuse to release me from my contract until December. It all hedges on the other foreign teachers. He's afraid of what the parents will think if 2 teachers quit in the same year but I could leave at the same time as the other 2 because my disappearance would be masked or something. The other guy was in Daegu but his girlfriend was placed in Seoul so that was why he was released. Anyways, he told me that I was an 'irresponsible teacher' and if I had thought of any 'inferences'(sic:references) that he might give. I really can't believe that I countered with the fact that I could make the same kinds of threats. He would have such a hard time finding someone to replace if I did a few things. I had enough hesistation signing the contract to begin with. I feel like I should go out and print all these "I hate Wonderland" shirts. Find the logo and just go from there. I could wear it everywhere I went. All the time except when I was at work for these last 40 days. Actually, I could still manage to find work without his letter of release. Immigration just has to do a few more things. I am leaving at the end of September though. I'll find out what my options are in Korea but if they turn out to be very limited then I'll just board a plane to Sydney, Paris, Cape Town, Stockholm, wherever.

Today was a bit strange at work too. My boss gave a little hello to me. Then he and the VP had a little chat with the door closed. I imagine it was about me. Then just as I was leaving his wife was exiting the elevator and gave me this big smile. Either they are oblivious to what I told Jupiter or they are trying their best to make me feel welcome. After everything though, even if they were to give me the best schedule, give me a raise, give me a better apartment with AC, I would still leave. So that's the latest. My future is very much undetermined.

I've had it

My internet is down at the moment so I’m writing this as a Word document. I decided that I would quit today. I just can’t handle it anymore. Technically, I could probably handle it but it would mean being unhappy for the next several months. It’s really not worth it. I need to work another 40 days as it is. It’s evaluation week, too, my least favourite week. I have to correct tests and then fill out evaluation forms for 27 students. I don’t think anyone else has to do that many. I really can’t imagine a worse schedule than what I have. My legs are starting to hurt all the time because I have to stand for 4.5 hours straight. I know that’s not really that bad but I just can’t stand it. I go to work angry, leave work angry, and feign not being angry during class. It’s exhausting.

I emailed several recruiters yesterday. I’d be interested to see what they had to say. I’m sure I must have emails in my inbox. That’s just the way my life works at the moment. The internet is down because I have 2 great emails with tons of job offers for me. Probably not but I’m stuck in this ‘woe is me’ rut,

I bought an external hard drive a few weeks ago. I forget which day it was but I was sweeping the floor and put it up on the dresser. I have no real table and there’s nowhere to put one if I did so I have this cords and everything leading from the wall to what amounts to my coffee table. Anyways, I need to get these cords out of the way so I have to put stuff on these counters. Well, I ended up knocking it over and it fell onto the floor. I had downloaded several movies that I hadn’t watched as well as putting my entire music collection on it. Now it just refuses to work. Everything looks fine and it will turn on but as of now it’s just a little box of nothing that haunts me. Just like the keys to my bicycle lock. I wonder why I’ve been hanging on to those. Maybe I’m just in denial about it. I don’t know how Korea made me so unlucky. My reasoning has led to believe that my sleep deprivation leads me to make poor decisions.

I’ve done some serious irrational things, namely staying at Wonderland when I hate it so much. I’d worked out that I could quit today since it was 40 days until the 6 month mark. I re-read my contract and I guess it’s resignation before the 6 month mark that I need to repay the airfare. So if I don’t want to repay it then I need to work until the end of September and then give notice and end up working until the end of October. The thought of 40 days at Wonderland is bad enough. I’ll be damned before that becomes 70 days. Actually 80 probably. Then my contract talks about full teaching sessions and my first one was technically incomplete so if my boss wanted to be a complete asshole about it I could end up working until the end of November. I really wonder how quitting will go today. I didn’t even see my boss there this morning. I don’t think he spoke to me at all last week. Not a single word.

I ended up talking to one of the Korean teachers after work on Friday. She asked me why I wasn’t there on moving day. I explained that that was a day of my vacation and if I wanted to give it up and be taken advantage of that should’ve been my choice. Truth be told, I may have actually helped the school move had I been asked nicely rather than demanded. Anyways, she told me that I just reconfirmed their view that foreigners are all selfish bastards. She might not have added the bastard but it was definitely implied. I swear they even avoid making eye contact with me. I remember on Thursday we had gone on a field trip and our bus was back before the other one. Jupiter asked Renee why we were back earlier than the other bus and what she thought of the human body exposition that we’d gone to. I didn’t want him to ask me anything and he didn’t. Didn’t even look at me. I’m so loved at work.

Actually, my boss may have spoken to me last week. He asked if I had been receiving or paying any bills from the cable company. I told him no since I had never received a cable bill. Maybe that’s why the internet is down. Maybe I’ve been cut off. The cable company provides my internet service also. It was working 2 hours ago though. The little lights on the internet box are still flashing not that I know anything about what they may mean. I can only assume it means it’s getting or sending some kind of information. Maybe it’s just trying to.

It’s official. Not only is my internet down but my cable is out, too. Now, I’m especially cut off from everything. I have a few CDs and books, a telephone, and a few Korean radio and television stations.

I'm at a PC bang now. I can't believe I've had to come to one of these. My boss said he would look into everything about the cable bill but apparently he didn't. Any reservations I may have had about quitting have completely vanished. It turns out I didn't have any emails. Figures really. I really feel like I should've had some kind of meltdown by this point.

Anyways, let's try to add some cheerful things in here to distract me. I asked Kevin if he had been at EMart. I guess that was him and then he tried to tell me something about my face that day. I was a desperate and exhausted man at EMart like if I couldn't find sleeping pills I was going to die. I've actually only taken 3 of them total. I think the first and second days I had them and then on Saturday.

Ah Saturday, I went bowling on Saturday. It was kind of fun I guess but the only thing I kept thinking was that it could be a lot more fun with alcohol. I feel like I can only have a good time now if I'm drinking or at least high on caffeine. That bothers me. Either I will become a raging alcoholic in September or I will go stone-cold sober. I just don't know. I didn't end up doing anything on Saturday night. I sat at home and did nothing really. I listened to one CD again and again and then just one song again and again. I also read about 50 pages of Gandhi's autobiography. That was quite interesting and made me realize how little I know about India. I suppose he didn't write it for me but for his Indian or possible just Hindu brethren. Then I decided it was late enough to go to bed but could only think about my work situation and after a few hours of this I decided to reach for a little blue pills. I slept very well actually. Until like 2pm. It's even been getting a little cool in my apartment. Only 30 degrees at the moment. I actually got cold in the morning and decided I could now start sleeping with something to cover me so I went and got a blanket. Maybe it's just the blanket that I've been missing. It felt nice. I even felt positive yesterday. I'm not sure why. Drug influence probably. Had I gotten a bad sleep yet again I would've had a much worse day. I tried to call someone on Saturday to potentially enjoy myself. There was no answer. Just as well I suppose. Maybe I just needed to wallow in self-pity for an evening.

Let's talk about Thursday night for a moment. Thursday was kind of enjoyable. Went out to eat with Alex, went to a few bars, and met a group of interesting people. Alex left a bit after we met these people for reasons I will not explain. I was already pretty drunk I guess but ended up drinking a bit with a guy from Shanghai, someone from near Chechnya, and a girl from Oklahoma named Lydia. An odd trio to say the least. We stayed at this one bar until it closed and then went to a noraebang or karaoke. It was kind of fun I guess but only because I'd had the right amount to drink. I thought that maybe I should go home but I was enjoying myself and the others needed to work the next day too even earlier than I did. I don't think it was that wise a decision. I didn't get home until 6:20 and I slept until about 10. I felt awful at work the night day but I always feel awful there so nothing was new really except the feeling that if I threw up I would've felt a lot better. I deserved it really but when a job drives you to drink what can you do? I know. Quit it.

Where is my mind?

I am seriously going bonkers. I was on the train today coming back home. I got off the subway and thought that I should just run home as quickly as I could. I knew that no one was following me or anything but it felt like someone could have been. I don't know.

There have been a few other things that have happened that make me suspicious, too. Maybe I really am Tyler Durden or something. They are just little things but I really don't remember doing them. One night I came home and there were books on my table. I don't remember putting them there. Today, I went into the bathroom and the windows were closed. I didn't close the windows. Did I? Why would I have closed the windows?

I really can't sleep either. I bought some sleeping pills on Sunday night at the height of my loopiness. I could've had a nervous breakdown right in the middle of E-Mart. First, I was sure that they would be closed and I would be doomed to have another sleepless night. It was open though. So I thought for sure the only reason they were open was because they weren't selling what I wanted. I'd gone to 7/11 earlier in the day, well night. I looked along the shelves and saw nothing. Then I managed to communicate to the cashier that I couldn't sleep. Of course, she had no idea why I was telling her this random bit of information. Anyways, I wandered desperately around E-Mart for much too long and then decided to go upstairs. There was a pharmacy. I bought some sleeping pills. They were only 1000 won or $1 US. Kind of disturbing how cheap they were. I also saw one of my students there. His mom tried to help me once there was nothing left for me to understand really but nice all the same. The kid made no kind of signs that he recognized me. Maybe he didn't want to converse with me in English or he wasn't one of my students or maybe a complete hallucination.

I've taken sleeping pills the past 2 nights. The first time I managed to sleep for like 9 hours. Unbelievable really. That's like a week's worth of sleep in one evening. Ok, maybe only 2-3 nights but still, and that part really isn't an exageration. I still felt groggy for a bit after I woke up. I thought maybe last night would've been better. It wasn't really. I woke up and felt awful and had to teach. Awful. Then I went off the Korean class. I hadn't been there in a week since my job and screwed me over on my breaks. Oh Tuesday's presentation was moved to Wednesday. Thanks for letting me know 20 minutes after it was supposed to have started. Why do I have to ask explicitly if the presentation is at the time indicated on the calendar? Then Thursday I had to stay to make tests. I only managed to stay for one hour today. I was so out of it. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't know what they were saying. I might've stayed but the prospect of teaching for 3 hours (thank god Columbia isn't around this month) without any kind of rest scared me so I left. I didn't get much of a break though. I didn't want to be in my sweltering apartment and I certainly didn't want to hang around the school. Came home and wasted time. I've hardly said anything to my co-workers. My perma-scowl and auditory barrier (earphones) keep them from initiating conversations with me, not that they would. I wonder what I look like to them. I swear I must look like I'm on the verge of strangling someone. I'm so anti-social. I don't even walk slowly to the paper recycle. I do my speedy airport style walks. I love walking through airports alone.

I wasn't even at work for very long today before I felt drained. It probably had to do with my sleeping pills. I feel like I am either completely inert or totally wired. I can't be in between anymore. I need to get some sleep. Real sleep. Not drug-induced or drug-facilitated at least. Maybe it's all from the massive amounts of drugs I've been doing. You know, caffeine, alcohol, and recently sleeping pills. They aren't even very big only 25mg. I kind of felt happy yesterday. I was even listening to Barenaked Ladies. Old school though. Well, I don't know early 90s. Enid. "I can get a job, I can pay the phone bill, I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut down my cholesterol, I can work in a mine, I can work overtime, I can do it all for you...... But I don't want to." I love that part. I even ran down the escalator so I could go up the stairs instead. I hate escalators. They aren't rides people. They aren't even wide enough to walk around people. I had energy yesterday where did it go. I took a sleeping pill the night before so it can't be the pill that killed it.

I'm really dreading tomorrow. I could barely manage 4 classes this afternoon. Tomorrow I get to have 6 in the afternoon and an extra kindy class. I really hate Wednesdays.

I feel so out of it. Where am I? Can it really be August? Have I been here this long? Can people see me? Am I a real person? What is real? I just don't know anymore. People come and read this but no one ever leaves any comments. Maybe I'm the only one who's real. That can't be right. Some Korean woman yelled Ajosshi at me today and seem surprised that I didn't understand her question or maybe just upset that she couldn't get an answer to whatever it was she said. I wonder if she really thought I'd be able to speak Korean. I guess some people can see me and assume I am a fluent Korean speaker.

I'd really like to spend more time learning Korean. It's just so hard....to find time and energy that is. I could be wowing people if it weren't for my soul-sucking job. I'm really going to quit on Monday. 40 days before my 6 month mark meaning I don't need to repay airfare. Doing a midnight run would be kind of exhilirating but I could and would never do that. Well, I suppose everyone has his or her limits. If only I could sleep or remember where I put that brain that of mine.

I don't know my feelings or my odd digression to childhood

I don't know if I've used this title before or not. It's something one of kids says all the time. I don't know why. I assume it's just because he doesn't want to say anything. They all try to get their turn over with as quickly as possible. Some want to tell me all kinds of things.

I'm sitting at home right now and don't feel like doing anything. I managed to get about 7 hours of sleep last night. Well, I'll pretend it was that much. I went to bed around 4-5 hoping that extreme exhaustion would force me to sleep for a decent amount of time. I don't know if it was successful. I woke up around 11 of course. I forced myself to stay in bed. I returned to sleep and actually had a dream. It was a nice dream I guess. I was somewhere in Korea and my office, well faculty room, was in like a bar or restaurant or something. There were 2 good things about my dream. I had some Matilde. How I love Matilde. It's this Danish chocolate milk that I became obsessed with while I was in Copenhagen. I was hopelessly addicted. I swear I would have a least 2 litres a day. That's a lot of chocolate milk to have everyday. That's one thing that is different about Korea. I haven't found any food staples, aside from Ramyon that is. That's not a staple really. I have it because it's easy to make, cheap, and is okay. I'm not an adventurous food person. I tend to eat the same things at restaurants and week to week I usually eat the same things. In Denmark, I would have my rødbrød med chocolade and 500ml of Matilde. Then at lunch, I would go to Cafe Istanbul and have the number 38 and have another 500ml of Matilde. My supper had much more variety but nevertheless there would be a whole litre of Matilde for me. There were 2 kinds of Matilde. One was with a blue background and the other was red. Now usually, the 500ml was only available in blue. The red was only in 1litre. It was a little bit more money but incredibly good. In my dream I only had 1 litre of blue. I thought that I spied a red and rushed over to it but it was something else in similar packaging. Why can't I find a Korean Matilde? Their biggest chocolate milk available for sale is like 240ml. This isn't hotdog day people. I can drink more chocolate milk than that.

Let me digress to talk about hotdog day some weird part of my childhood I guess. About once a month in school (I don't know when they started or when they ended), we would have hotdog day. We had to pay $2.50 at least the day before. I want to say hotdog days were always on Wednesday and were possibly linked to early dismissal (the first Wednesday of every month, we'd get to go home at 2 instead of three so the teachers could have a staff meeting. I think that's what it was about). All these childhood school things that I don't know if are unique to me or not. So anyways, on hotdog day no one would bring lunch. They'd give us hotdogs wrapped in tin foil and another papery wrapper. If someone didn't have a hotdog, it was very sad since they were excluded and all. A few people would try to collect all the tinfoil and make a ball with it. There were always too many people going for a giant ball so they were never very big. I never tried. I don't know why. Something to do with me not having an interest in shiny ball made of aluminum foil (since I'm not sure) and never feeling popular enough to get enough foil. Everyone would try to convince you to let them have your foil. What odd creatures children are sometimes. Hotdog days we'd always get little things of chocolate milk in those little cartons.

Maybe I always had hotdog day. I have some memory though it involves orange juice. It was grade 2 with Mme Goudreau. I didn't want my orange juice so I threw it in the garbage. I must have had some though since it was open. Maybe they were in cups. I don't remember that much. So I threw it in the garbage and then later the garbage can started leaking. Mme Goudreau (Mme stands for Madame, I was in French immersion until grade nine so it was always Mme. or Monsieur (M.), I only had one Mlle (Mademoiselle) but she is now a Mme) was pretty mad about it I remember. She asked who had thrown orange juice in the garbage. I didn't say anything. I wonder why I have that memory. Maybe I feel ashamed about it or something. Maybe I need to confess my crime. What's the point in confessing something that no one else remembers? Funny. Odd funny. I don't have many other memories from grade 2. Well maybe I do. We had this carpet with all these toys that we were allowed to play with when we were done working. I was always the first one there. I was such a genius back then. I don't know what happened to me. I don't feel particularly smart now although I do feel like a lot of people are stupid. Then I remember some book about a kid with a pet skunk and it was in grade 2 I think that we had to write out whole math problems. No more just filling in answers in the little booklet. We had a big math book and would have to write 3+6 in our little cahiers. Cahier is such a good word, much better than notebook. Kie-yay say it with me now. There was a compliment rainbow too. Everyone got one. One person was picked for the week and we all had to write down a compliment for this person and then they'd all be written on a rainbow. I still have mine somewhere. My compliment to myself was that I liked my Mexican shoes. I was kind of a strange kid.

This short digression has suddenly become about my primary school. Anyways, maybe it's still relevant to my personality now. In kindergarten, I would've been a perfect Korean student. They would give us playstations. I remember being at the little sand pit, a little 3x1 foot box of sand on the table. There was a little bucket and a shovel and some other things. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to play with sand or any of it. Maybe I was too serious back then. I preferred the structured play time. Either I was really serious and didn't know how to play or just had my favourite games and didn't do other things. I remember just wanting her to say it was time to switch stations. I probably knew what it was back then but given my lack of other kindergarten thoughts, I'll just have to wonder now. That was with Mme Speers. She was my grade 3 teacher too. That's a weird little story. She was our kindergarten teacher and after the year was over she had a nervous breakdown and took a year off and came back as the grade 3 teacher. She taught the class above us and then she had us again. Then after her year with us was over she had another nervous breakdown. We were practically all the same kids. It was stuff to do with her personal life so they say but it is a strange coincidence. So either we were just the worst class or we were like her all-time favourite class. There was a schoolyard rumour that Mme Speers had cried near the end of the year. I had just always thought until like just now that the tears must've been related to us and how she was going to miss us. Maybe they were unrelated to us or possible just a rumour.

Then let's see what else. I also remember we had to think our favourite colour. I swear to god I couldn't think of one. We had to make a whole collage full of pictures with our favourite colour and I didn't have one. So I looked over and Jonathan Loper's favourite colour was orange. I thought, ok, orange is a nice colour but I can't copy it so I picked a similar colour, red. Maybe I'm a complete sociopath. Sociopathic people would completely do that wouldn't they. That was grade 1 with Mme Roberge. Then there was this other time that I had an accident in class. I had to go to the bathroom and was about to raise my hand when Gerrett Gard asked to go to the bathroom. He was her little classroom devil and she told him no and that nobody else had better ask to go to the bathroom. Damn it! So because I was such a passive kid, I didn't even bother asking. I wonder how long I was able to hold it. Anyways, I couldn't. Mme Roberge was a little too scary to be a grade 1 teacher. She could be terrifying but really nice too. Anyways, let's see if there are any other telling stories from my childhood. Once, there was this teacher who asked us all to smile. She went around the class and asked everyone to smile. At my turn, she told me that mine was not a smile. I didn't know how to force a smile and I guess it didn't look very good. What would make a teacher criticise a smile, honestly? I don't know what year that was. Grade 2 I think. I think it was because it was P.D. class or personal development. Grade 1 I think I had religion instead. Anyways, she wasn't even the teacher she was a sub or something but she taught at the school. That's unsociopathic though, I think. Sociopaths are excellent at fake smiles and I didn't know how to make one. There's this picture of me from grade 1 and I just made a connection to it with my fake smiles. I'm sure the guy taking the picture told me to smile but I didn't. I just look a little confused and bewildered in the picture. The next year or 2 afterwards there was my fake smile. It's so obvious. There are pictures of me smiling in photos from my childhood but they are always genuine smiles, otherwise I've got this neutral expression. I just needed some reason to smile or laugh or whatever. Someone commanding me to smile wasn't enough. That's just like movies and TV really. Well everything. I rarely laugh at jokes. Maybe it's like a command to laugh in my mind. Why else to people tell jokes if not to say this is going to be funny, I want you to laugh. I always find situations to be much funnier or stories. I wonder what a trained professional would have to say about this. Does it mean that I have some kind of mental illness? Maybe it means that I'm saner than everyone.

Let's wrap this up with the end of my dream this morning. I don't know whether it's related to the first part of not. I was at some bar and I was with all these people that I had just met. For some reason, in most of my dreams I am friends with people that I have never seen before but this time I think I had just met them, there was one that was a good friend (never seen his face before in waking life, that I'm aware of, I'm sure these faces come from somewhere in reality, some guy I saw on a bench 3 years ago maybe, whatever). So, I'm at this bar and Simon and Garfunkel starts playing. The Sound of Silence. I pretend like I know the words and lip synch to it, well I think I was singing but then realized I didn't know them at all so had to lip synch. Anyways, it was quite pathetic, the lack of lyrics I knew. They laughed and I laughed a little and then I couldn't help myself from laughing and started laughing hysterically. A very nice way to end a dream. Who would've thought that Sound of Silence could make anyone laugh so much?

Sleepless, dreamless nights

It feels like a very long time since I wrote anything. I'm on a two hour break from school. Well it should be like 3.5 hours but I have to go back to work for a useless presentation at 2. Let's see I had some bad wine on Friday night and didn't do all that much. Saturday, I kind of slept, I think. I laid in bed most of the day at least. The past 2 nights that seems like all sleep is. Saturday night, I ended up having a pretty good time. I went out with friend's of a girl that Alex had met a few weeks ago. It turns out that actually work close to where my old school was. These things always happen to me. They are still the closest people I know. Hopefully, I'll end up doing a few things with them. We'll see. It was basically another Saturday spent boozing. We went dancing, too which I seem to enjoy a whole lot more than I used to. I don't know why that would be. I didn't get home until after 6. I also repeated my wine+fish equation that night. The exact same meal and the same cream pea soup that I did not touch.

It was nice to meet some other teachers who didn't have great jobs either. They don't have AC either and they live far from the centre of town. At least I don't need to take a taxi to the subway stop. That is the only thing that I like about my apartment. I seriously can't imagine what it is like to have an actual table or chair. I also don't have a balcony so I need to dry my clothes in my bedroom which basically halves the amount of floor space. Speaking of which.....I'll hang those up later. So we complained about work for awhile and I basically trumped them on every level. So wait a minute, you don't have a split shift and you don't have to do phone teaching, you have a bed, a balcony, a table with chairs. I'm getting so sick of work. I was dying to leave this morning and I only had an hour and a half worth of classes. I don't think I smiled at all. Well maybe my small phony one that makes the kids think I care about what they have to say. That's not that fair really. I usually care but today I couldn't have cared less what their favourite animals were. PE class and then science is an exhausting combo. The kids are so hyped up and I had no energy at all. I let them do whatever for PE class. They take the balls and pretend they are dinosaurs eggs. Ok, go with it kids. I'm most definitely not looking forward to the rest of today. At least I only have 4 classes this afternoon instead of 6. Of course, I have this presentation and an equally mind numbing staff meeting.

I thought I would be doing a lot of yelling yesterday. I went to bed at 12:55 and just alternated between sides of the bed for about 6 hours or so. Then at the point of sheer exhaustion I manage to fall asleep and then have my alarm ring almost immediately. I managed to make it through the day ok. Well, much better than I thought I would do. It wasn't great. At least, I don't have to exert much energy in terms of classroom control by the end of the day. Well, one class is good and the other I let get away with anything because frankly, they don't understand most of what I say and I'm less than useless by that point in the day. I don't know how I made phrases like: Is this your suitcase? No, it's not. It's hers. Last for like 20 minute but somehow I did. Then I had them make pictures and a few sentences about what they did yesterday. Of course, they draw stuff like warthogs and scenes from Starcraft. I don't care. I've told the director about that class.

I know that all I seem to do is complain about work but honestly most of the week, my life consists of nothing but work. Yesterday, there was a new girl in my kindergarten class. Did I find out the typical 2 seconds before class? Nope, not yesterday. She just came into the class. Kate says this is Amy. Uh, ok. I did get a warning from Kate that Amy was coming to class on Monday last week. Of course, when they try to tell me complex things I don't usually have a clue what they are trying to say. I'd worked it out but thought that someone besides a student would tell me when someone was starting class. I mean if Kate knew last week, who knows how long the school had the opportunity to share this piece of information with me. Luckily, it's August and Erica and Karen are taking the month off. Come next month though, I will have 9 kids in that class. They were the biggest class I had with 8. I don't know how I will be able to control 9 kids. At least, it's 6 girls I guess. I couldn't even imagine the trouble I'd have with another boy.

Then I saw on the calendar that there is another speech contest in a couple weeks. I thought those things were done with a long time ago. I guess not. Then of course, it has to be on a Sunday. I wish it were at 4pm or later but of course it will be 11 or something and I need to be there 3 hours early. I really don't understand why they give us one long weekend and then take another day away from us. I was thinking about pretending I had plans that weekend. It was only put on the calendar yesterday and it was never even mentioned to me before. I mean really, if you want me to sacrifice a weekend you have to give me at least a month to mentally prepare for it. Then unlike the last speech contest I can't even enjoy the night because I have to work the next day. We'll see how the rest of the day goes as to whether I just take over the staff meeting about how we are never told anything. Depends if my day leans more towards angry frustration or slow withdrawal of my last remaining bit of energy. Anger seems to be one of the few things that motivate me these days, that and trying to screw over my boss.

I would be much more obliging if I had any kind of sleep. I was thinking of some word but I've forgotten it. Something to do with satisfying my daily needs like sleep and food and making me more complacent at work. Maybe I'll remember what word it was. I thought I would get some sleep last night since I didn't get any the night before. It didn't really feel that way of course. Oh, another thing about yesterday. I thought that it hadn't gone that badly and then realized it was only Monday. I haven't been this tired in a number of weeks and this is my first full week at work for about 3. Given my 2 half weeks of work to accomodate the fucked up vacation schedule. I can't believe it's only halfway through Tuesday, and not even that. Anyways, I didn't sleep well last night and woke up feeling more tired than when I went to sleep. I don't know how that's possible. I can understand it when you first wake up but once your mind adjusts to being awake you should feel at least kind of rested. It was even colder in my apartment than it has been in awhile. 32. I even exercised yesterday. I can't even sleep on the weekends. I came home at 6am pretty skunky drunk. At least the alcohol made my sleep continuous but I still woke up around 11. Then I pretended to sleep for several hours. Maybe I've just to reconcile the fact that my brain will never sleep again. I can lay there and do a pretty good impression of someone sleeping in terms of breathing and what not but I'm still aware of all the noise, heat, and light. I can't believe that they'd move me into an apartment with no barriers to light (bought some curtains) or heat(I even had to buy my own garbage can), and expect me to be satisfied. Plus this week is test week and evaluations and phone teaching. Something is bound to happen. If you hear of a triple homicide or anything in Daegu next week, yes, that was probably me.

Maybe I will make some protest art and slogans to hand at my workstation. Heaven knows, I won't be able to sleep. Which reminds of some lyrics that seem to really be applicable to my life at the moment.

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
-The Smiths

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed[not so much this part]

Oh, you’ve been in the house too long she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ?

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now

Oh, you’ve been in the house too long she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
----------


Not really anything insightful or interesting. What can I say? My brain has turned to mush. I'm in a walking coma.

Fish+Wine=Yummy

Let's do a backward post today.

It's almost 1am. I am home.
I bought a bottle of water for 1000 won. It is normally only 800 but the lady looked so peaceful asleep so I just put 1000won on the register. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do and she will be confused but ethically I think it's okay.
Alex and I tried to find Pub Morrison but couldn't. I don't either of us wanted to go really. I don't think it was a wine serving place. This is too backwards really.
Let's just do days. Today I actually had a hard time waking up. It was so nice to dream. I had a dream I was running through trees. Not for long though. I was in a drunken race with Renee and Gareth. It's strange I should dream about the foreign teachers at my school. Not that Gareth was even there very long. It seems strange to have dreams about someone I only knew for 2-3 days over 4 months ago. I wonder why Matt wasn't there. For some reason my idea of a perfect group is 2 guys and 1 girl. I'm not sure why but if I were on a desert island I would want 1 guy there and 1 girl. It's wouldn't even be sexual with the girl. Maybe Matt wasn't there to remove the hint of sexuality or the couplehood. You can't be friends with a couple I've decided. I'm looking forward to them leaving actually. I hope they are replaced with single people who don't abstain from alcohol. I bet they hire another couple. It's smart for the school really. Unless they get the singles to share accommodation. That's a boring digression. I'm not going to take it. Right, Thursday. I had a banana before work. I really shouldn't skip breakfast. It's not intentional. I would eat if I had time or steady source of bananas. They are the only fruit I eat but I tend not to buy them just because they seem expensive and they sell too many and I can't eat them fast enough. I actually have rotting bananas in my freezer. I should do something about them. I bought like a dozen bananas one night. The next morning I had one and it was very mushy. Then the next time I had one, I dropped one and it broke open on the floor and looked mashed. It was a little gross really to have this liquid banana on the floor. I think it was the heat or the bananas I bought were too ripe, overripe, I don't know. I probably shouldn't buy bananas in the dark. Anyways, I thought I'd stick them in the freezer to keep them fresh or the same level of decay at least. Next time I take out the trash I will add them. I really can't throw food in the garbage. I don't make enough garbage so it really only leads to me becoming a breeder of quality maggots and flies. I forgot what it was that they like more than rotting bananas but there was something they just love. I really can get sidetracked easily. Work actually went fine today. My classes haven't been that bad the last 2 days aside from maybe one class. I even got out of work early today. 6:30. Earliest release ever. So I'm on parole for the next 10 hours and I've already enjoyed 6.5 hours of it. It really wasn't bad today at all and I think I know why. I just need to eat and sleep properly. It's amazing what an adequate amount of sleep and food can do. It really was stupid to not eat for most of the day. I used to eat waffles from the waffle family outside of the school but they became unreliable. They opened too late in the afternoon and from 3:30-8 I can't leave the building. I'm really amazed I haven't collapsed at work. The sleep problem can't be helped much unless I get demanding but I've pushed the bounds too much recently. Food wise though I could be doing a lot better. Back to the today. After work I came home and then went downtown to get some food.

We went to eat at a French restaurant called Dijon. Alex was supposed to meet me at Starbucks but due to some lack of coordination he was only able to handle one invitee at a time. The other one being one of his workmates. I've been alternating between workmate and co-worker. I don't know. I don't even work with any Non-North American speakers of English. Nor do I hang out with any. Odd. Anyways, usually Alex is always waiting outside of Starbucks because of my lengthy trip to the centre. It's an 18 minute subway ride plus however long I have to wait for the train. Compared to his 5 minute cabride or less maybe, it takes me ages. Anyways, I was a little perplexed by it but was proud to have beaten him. I had an iced cafe mocha while I waited. It was nice really. I met a university prof of management. Dr, Kim. Dr. Jin-Han Kim. He seemed quite nice really. First he asked me if I was American or Canadian and I thought 'God, not one of these conversations.' It wasn't bad though. He actually gave me a business card and told me if I was interested in working at the university to give him a call. I'm sure a university would be a much better listing on a resume. Member of the faculty of Taegu University sounds much better than Monkey Teacher at Wonderland hagwon. Anyways, maybe I should send him my resume see what happens. Of course, I don't know how long I want to spend in Korea and being only 5 years older than my youngest students would be a little strange. Not that it isn't strange that I teach people born in 1999 probably. Those people shouldn't be able to talk yet. Even then people from 1994 bother me. I have memories from 1994, shouldn't you just be learning how to walk, maybe learning to read at most. I feel old sometimes. Then in Korean class I felt young. In ten years, I will still only be 33 which doesn't seem that old. Plus some guy I thought was like 24 turned out to be 28. Anyways, I felt like a spring chicken kind of. Anyways, that was my run in with Dr. Kim at Starbucks. He first had Starbucks at the airport in Vancouver. A little fact he felt like he needed to share so I will pass that on. Little facts like that I find interesting. I don't know when I first had anything from Starbucks. It must have been hot chocolate though since that used to be all I ever ordered at coffee shops except when I went in Korea it was hot so I needed something cool and the iced cafe mocha seemed the most chocolatey.

I really am a rambler. I wonder why that is. Nate, you can link to him, said he thought he would ramble on like this but his ADD got in the way. He doesn't actually have ADD though. Maybe I just like reliving little pieces of my life. I bet my first Starbucks was in Florida. Those Blakeley's like Starbucks or possibly it was in Seattle when we went to visit my uncle because Starbucks is a Seattle thing. Otherwise my parents wouldn't have gone. They aren't big into coffee and we wouldn't go there on vacation because my sisters and I don't drink coffee. Maybe my sisters drink coffee now. I haven't been around them in them much in the past 5 years or so and I don't talk to them on the phone when I'm away. Maybe once in 6 months or something. I like being prodigal really. I think I'm much more interesting as a mystery. "Oh you have a brother, what's he like?" is better than "Oh nice to meet you, I find you a bit dull." I'm quite aloof with strangers. So eventually, Alex did come and we went to the restaurant. I was actually involved in the conversation as opposed to my active listening and occasional comment that is usually more like a unrespondable remark. I'm a horrible conversationalist really. I had salmon and wine. My salmon was supposedly Norwegian. I still really like Scandinavia. Even though I was only in Norway for 6 hours or something I still feel tied to the region. Mostly because I was in Denmark for 10 months. My mind is actively trying to go off into random tangents. Is that a sign that my brain is processing things better or worse? I guess a lack of focus probably shows a lack of a problem. Anyways, after my yummy fish and wine I came home feeling satisfied. I even got to take the subway back since it wasn't that late. I also feel like I don't pay enough for my meal. Maybe I did but when 2 people refuse to talk the extra money I will gladly take it. I have spent so much money in the past month and I don't even know where it all went. I suppose I don't mind. It hasn't really kept me in my saving $1000 a month but I could've spent a lot more on my vacation. But I haven't made that much really. I think my first month was 1.2 and then 1.5 and 1.5. I get paid again in less than a week. A full amount this time so I can spend $700 a month. I make 1.9 but in my head I always think 1.7. As long as I don't spend more than what I make I should be fine. I really think I've spend like over $1000 this month. No idea how. Well some ideas. I guess that's enough for today. Unless I want to mention Jessy who was my only problem at work today. It really only takes one or 2 bad students to ruin your day. Let's not talk about Jessy. I will only say that I've never imagine anyone being a disappointment to their parents but if he were my kid, I just don't know.

Yesterday was my first day back at work since my little forewarned disappearing act. It was a bit awkward but no kind of harsh accusations. It wasn't even until my break that it was brought up. The first question my boss asked was how my vacation was. It's a bit awkward between us. I'm just going to pretend nothing happened. Amy had a calm talk with me. I guess I created a bit of a divide somehow. I still don't know how. I guess some of the teachers talked about me, asking where I was. Is Shawn teacher not a Wonderland teacher in his heart? Is he not part of the Wonderland family? I really wish they'd avoid using phrases like this. Amy even mentioned something about understanding how teachers wanted to have personal lives but on special days I need to be part of the Wonderland family. I could've argued about it but she brought it up nicely and I was happy to just put it to rest. The next special day I will be there but not if it's one of my vacation days or has no educational element. I don't need to be part of the Wonderland family. Some of the Korean teachers I think might be a bit hostile towards me but in true Korean fashion they would never reveal this to me directly. I'm fine with that. I'm the office rebel now that nobody cares for all that much. I do feel more competent as a teacher all of the sudden. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's all the sleep and food. Anyways, I wasn't reprimanded in any way for skipping out on what they told me were my job responsibilities. I think Amy was more upset that I didn't get permission from her and skipped her in the totem pole. She wouldn't have given me permission plus I knew she didn't want to be there either. She had to cancel a family trip to move. I can't think of anything else worth mentioning right now. Maybe at some later point. There was something that happened a couple weekends ago that I could write about but I won't. You'll have to check out:

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=alexsoccerboy

and read the July 24th entry. It's much more lucid than anything I could write. What a wild and crazy night. If there's a request I could write about it but it isn't all that exciting. Didn't go much past than what was mentioned. You will learn my actual name though. It's strange how they alternate between my real name and my 'stage' name. Usually it's the stage name but every so often they remind me that I have this other name I went by for 22 years. Let's see if 2 nights of decent sleep will make work any better. I will definitely have a banana tomorrow morning.

The rest of my weekend

I woke up in Pohang on Sunday, I guess it was. I didn't stick around very long. I went to the beach to take a picture or two and then hopped on a bus back to the bus terminal. Good old 105. It seemed so much longer the night before. Of course, I rode it too long because I didn't know when to get off. It also went to all these suburbs the night before. I think it might have gone back to the bus station. How many little statues of liberty could there be on buildings. Anyways, I caught a bus to Yeongdok. I guess it's only known for crabs. I didn't stay there very long either. Maybe an hour or two. I planned to spend the night. I went to a motel. 50,000 won. For a Sunday night in this town. Then I walked to try to find the motel that this Moon Handbook travelguide mentioned was cheaper. I always want to put 2 n's in mentioned. I'm sure it's to do with French. I'm going to work on not doing it. Anyways, I walked. I bought a Pepsi in complete silence. I picked it out of the fridge, the woman looked like she didn't know what to do. I pulled out a 1000 bill. She smiled and took it and I waved goodbye. I followed some 20 something or teenage Koreans for a few blocks. I didn't feel like walking past them. Then I saw this little path. I followed it. I wound up at some Buddhist temple. I sat there on the steps for about an hour. I thought about a few things. There was dead bee there and some ants. I saw two ants fight over a piece of something. They dropped it and then wrestled and threw each other off the step and fell a few feet. Something to be learned from that...maybe. Then I looked at a tree. It had a lot of leaves and it made me think of all the life that must be in that tree. All the birds that have sat in it, the ants that crawled on it now, and then I thought about how boring it must be to be a tree. I tried to think about what to do but couldn't really. I did for a little bit but drew no conclusions as I usually never do. Then some woman came to the temple well not the temple but the little building beside it. I thought maybe I should become a Buddhist or something. I'm not a very spiritual person though and so it would all be pretend really. I thought maybe I could go inside and meditate/think about my problems. Anyways, later the woman came out with another woman and they said goodbye to each other. Then I heard a TV and thought about how meaningless everything was. I've thought it lots of times before so it was nothing new. I just always think about how I didn't exist for billions of years and how one day I wouldn't exist anymore. I really wish I believed in some kind of afterlife but it's just impossible for me.

I think it's because I believe in evolution so I always think, at what point did humans become so special. Was it at cro-magnan man, homo habilis? So really, what I'm saying is that if there is a heaven for humans then there must be a heaven for other apes, and crabs, and butterflies, and amoebae maybe. So that doesn't seem very realistic to me. Aside from all the physical laws. How do people in heaven get energy to live? You wouldn't think they'd have to eat but they must. So if there aren't an infinite amount of heavens then there must only be one and if there's just one and it's full of amoebae and squid and what not and they all still need to eat than how is it different from Earth. So anyways, maybe it would be better if I weren't so logical and could just believe certain things. I just never could. I always found it must easier to believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus than Jesus, Angels, or God. At least the Tooth Fairy did something for a reason. I guess my childhood was more full of that kind of propaganda rather than religious stuff. My parents would read us the story of Jesus and what not at Christmas. It just seemed like another story to me. I remember hearing something about Bethlehem on the news and told my mom how there was actually a city called Bethlehem. She told me that it was the same one as in the story. Then I asked if the people there had heard it. I must have never believed in Jesus really. I don't even think it was until I was like 10 that I realized it was supposed to based from a true story. I would put true in quotations but who am I to tell you what is true. Anyways, where did this come from? Right, my lack of faith in anything. Well, I would have had to pretend to be faithful and the TV just made me realise that this temple was just another place. I went back to the station and ended up going to Pyeonghae. Ijust randomly decided as I do many other things. Actually, I looked at the map in the Moon Handbook and saw Hupo. It wasn't in the index so I thought maybe I should go there. Then I found something else that mentioned a pavilion outside of Pyeonghae with spectacular views of the sea and sunset over the mountains. That sounded like a good place for self reflection. That was the only time I had to wait for a bus. They've always just been there after I bought my ticket. The ride to Pyeonghae really wasn't very far but it took the longest time. Traffic was slow and it took 2 hours or so to get there. I think it was only 50km away. It was a nice drive though. I got to watch the sea pretty much the whole time alternating between rocks and sand. The water looked nice.

I arrived in Pyeonghae. Walked around a bit trying to find a motel. Found one but no one was there except a family who probably wondered why I was loitering outside the front waiting for someone. I walked to the next one. The same thing happened. The desk was on the 2nd floor. I went up but no one was there. I went back down and someone was there though. I ended up paying 50,000 won for this little motel. It didn't even have air conditioning. Luckily it wasn't as hot as in Daegu so I managed to sleep alright. After dropping off my bag I went to a bakery and bought some bread and cookies. She told me the price and I actually understood. Cheon o baek un. Maybe she was waygooking it for me. Anyways, then I walked to this old looking temple that I saw before looking for the motel thinking that possibly it was the pavilion. It was locked and I decided to follow the path that looked like it led behind it. Some man's house was there and he asked me 'Odi-e kayo?' Wow, more Korean I actually understand. Of course, I didn't know the answer and just kind of shrugged. He said something and made some kind of motion like there was nothing to see. I'm sure I was trespassing. Anyways, I felt pretty good about my virtually non-existent Korean skills. Then I decided to walk along the highway since the pavilion was supposedly a few Km outside of the 'farming community.' I really didn't think that was the pavilion. Well, I walked along the highway. I don't know how far I went. I didn't even know the name of the pavilion. I saw it on some sign as we were driving. My shorts also kept falling down. Well not down but sat very low on my hips due to my excess of change in one pocket and my camera in the other. I kept trying to fashion some kind of primitive belt out of the blades of grass. Really, I was trying to tie it around two of the belt loops. None of them worked though and I just held them up. I found some sign, well two actually. One said something, I still don't know what was 2.5km away. Then I went to the other one. Don't know why. It sounded like what I remembered reading. I walked to this little community of houses and saw some temple or pharmacy sign. It said it was 700m away. I don't think I walked 700m before the trail ended and there was a little house. There were big dogs barking at me too. I didn't know what I was doing plus it was getting dark. I turned around and walked backed to Pyeonghae. I got back and didn't want to go to a Korean restaurant that didn't have pictures. I bought some ramyon and ate it dry in a bag while watching CNN. Then bed and I woke up the next day and it was raining. I didn't feel the need to go to this pavilion in the rain so I hopped on the bus back to Daegu. Bought my ticket as the bus was leaving. I never have to wait for the bus. There must have been some crazy mixup in Yeongdok. Don't they know the bus runs based on my movements.

I tried to think on the way back on the bus. It was okay at first while they were showing a Korean movie. That was much easier to tune out than Martin Lawrence. Why do Koreans want to watch Black Knight in the first place? So that made it difficult. I didn't think much and will probably delay that until next time to talk about. I was really just announcing that I was changing my profile pic. The old one is from around last Halloween. Taken in Charleston, South Carolina of all places on one of my many many escapes from Texas trips. It was a decent picture. I don't think it looks much like me though. Not now at least. This new one though just captures my attitude so much more. Humourless, a little annoyed maybe. It's from my trip to Woobang Towerland. A friend of a friend who has never met me said I looked kind of hot in a serial killer kind of way. I don't know what that is supposed to mean really, but I'll take it.

Well, I've uploaded some photos but they are out of order and I'm too lazy to fix it.

Big green hill while walking the highway in Pyeonghae

I really like the colour green sometimes. Much more brilliant in real life. I always think it's funny how pictures can be so deceptive. Some just really can't capture anything and other times it captures everything and more. Seriously, I had some pictures of Bucharest that made it look amazing but it really wasn't all that nice.

Field we passed on the bus back to Daegu.

Bukbu Beach in Pohang complete with steel mill and ferry terminal

Big spider I saw on the way to the pavilion that I never made it to.

Better view of Bukbu beach.