Vagabonding

I've been thinking a lot about what to do with my life recently. Things in Daegu have changed a lot for me recently with my new job, new apartment, and living in a completely different part of the city. It's really not an ideal situation and were it not for the opportunity to earn some money and the need to hold Win School accountable I could almost certainly say that I would not be here. The answer to the question of where I would be is also a reason that I am still here because I really don't know.

I've probably said it a few times before but I really don't have much going on for me anywhere. I lived in Edmonton, well close to Edmonton, for 17 years and only have a couple of people that I am still friends with there and one of them lives in Florida. I lived in Newfoundland for a year and there's no one that I'm in contact with from there. I lived in Texas for about 3 years over a 4.5 year period and I'm not really in contact with anyone there either. I really don't know why all of my friends (with very few exceptions) seem to come from 10 months I spent in Denmark.

I suppose it has something to do with everyone going there and being in a foreign environment. No one really knowing anyone else. I don't know, I guess I'm just not very good at making new friends especially when people already have routines, which is why I may have decided to abandon my vagabond lifestyle. I mean I still want to be in different places and do different things but not with different people since evidently I'm quite bad at meeting people.

Ideally I would meet a group of people of 3-4 people maybe and we'd go around the world together but the chances of that happening are slim and the longterm prospects wouldn't be that great either. I mean I'm only 24 (though I'm beginning to think more along the lines of 25) but I'm really starting to think about the future a lot more. I think continuing the kind of life I'm leading is just going to result in a series of gains and losses. If I were more outgoing or better at meeting people it might not be such a problem. I could make a huge group of friends and people could come in and out of it easily. That's really not me though. I tend to have a small group of good friends, maybe even as few as 1 or 2. So then once it's time to move on the loss is felt more heavily. I'm tired of having just a series of losses when I'm not good at making gains. Even if I see these people again I know if won't be the same and they will never be in my daily life again.

One of my favourite songs is called 'Again' by Lenny Kravitz. I don't know whether I like the song for how it actually sounds. I remember when I first heard it there were parts of it that I really didn't like but now I don't remember which parts of it. I think it's mostly because I can relate to it. There's a line in the song "I wonder if I'll ever see you again." Except my family, I guess, I could wonder that about far too many people, which I just think of as depressing.

I'm weighing 3 options right now. It's basically a given that I will leave Korea in about 3 months. That could change but I'm sick and tired of the ESL game. My father would be in India at that point, he'll probably be there sometime next week, so depending what month it is I may spend a few weeks there. After that though, I'm thinking of either going to Africa, Australia, or Vancouver. The A options would be a continuation of vagabonding and the last one would be me deciding to actually stay put for a while.

I was excited about Australia for awhile but that's been waning lately. I'm scared it'll just turn into another time where I'll start out lonely for a few months, then meet a couple of people if I'm lucky, and then be depressed for a few months afterwards. It just seems inevitable.

Africa would be a nice option I think. I would just travel around Africa for a few months. I've been psychoanalyzing myself much too much so I don't think I need to do that here. Anyways, it would be a nice way to end vagabonding, one last really good trip before I settle down. Maybe I could get some kind of internship there with a development agency or something for a few months. I don't know.

I'm thinking most seriously about Vancouver. I don't really know anyone there but I'd have to meet new people practically anywhere I went either and I really think I'd be able to live in Vancouver for awhile. Get a masters in some branch of economics maybe at UBC. Everyone says Vancouver is one of the best places to live. I could also easily move there, not have to worry about getting visas or anything. So maybe I'll do Africa for a few months and then move to Vancouver at the end of summer. Might be a good plan?

Bored at the Tokyo Airport

I have 4 hours at the airport left. I've already been here for an hour or so. I would walk around but I already toured the airport a week ago when I had a 7 hour layover. I took a shower then but I don't need one now.

I'm on my way back from Hawaii where I had a mediocre week. I felt like being depressed while I was there for whatever reason. Well actually, that wasn't how I went into it but my sister was there with her friend and it was annoying being around her again. It reminded me of high school and how depressed I was back then which made me think of how depressed I am now about everything now, which wasn't really a good thing.

I was going to write about how depressed I was while I was there but decided not to do that since that seems to be the only thing I write about these days. For some reason though, I don't feel quite as depressed right now and decided I would write something. Let's see. I don't really know where to start. I guess I will start with my dad's visit. He came and I met him in Seoul and we spent a few days there. Then we came back to Daegu and he saw all the things he saw last year. There's really not enough in town to keep a tourist busy for a week so it was pretty relaxed and we didn't do much. We went out with Young Mi and a friend of hers one night. We had makjang and went drinking until 3am. I think my dad was impressed with himself that he stayed up that late or at least that I kept him out that late. Then he left, and Young Mi left and I moved in with Young Mi's boss and had a small xmas dinner and had my chest x-rayed for a visa application. My Australian working holiday visa has been approved by the way. I have no idea when I'll use it but I have until January 2nd, 2008 to get in the country.

I won't really talk about Hawaii that much since I didn't find it that interesting. I spent a lot of time with my Korean book and went through 200 pages or something. I'd learn it all (more or less) before so it was easy to speed through. I think that might be part of the reason I'm not as depressed as I was before I left. Thinking about how "awesome" I am at Korean made me excited to learn more. I'm really not excited about my new job but it'll be a means to an end and give me enough money and free time. I can't say I have that many goals right now and it's a bit disappointing to say that money is a motivating factor for me. I guess it was before but I didn't think of teaching English as being a sacrifice before.

So anyways, there's the money potential since I don't imagine myself spending much at all while I'm there this time. There's also the prospect of learning more Korean. It's easy to delude myself right now since I've just sped right through an introductory textbook with ease and feel semi-fluent because of it even though I know I should really doubt my abilities to have a real conversation. If I can keep up my current enthusiasm (which is certain to not last), I would be in good shape. Speaking of which, that is my other goal. There are a ton of gyms around my new job so it shouldn't be hard to find a decent one.

I'll have to say goodbye to my last one since it'll suddenly be very far away. So anyways, I guess I've resigned myself for the next few months and accepting it is a big step. Well maybe I haven't quite accepted it but I'm on the path towards acceptance. I think a week with my parents has made my realize that I'm willing to pay a higher price for independence that I previously thought.