I've had it

My internet is down at the moment so I’m writing this as a Word document. I decided that I would quit today. I just can’t handle it anymore. Technically, I could probably handle it but it would mean being unhappy for the next several months. It’s really not worth it. I need to work another 40 days as it is. It’s evaluation week, too, my least favourite week. I have to correct tests and then fill out evaluation forms for 27 students. I don’t think anyone else has to do that many. I really can’t imagine a worse schedule than what I have. My legs are starting to hurt all the time because I have to stand for 4.5 hours straight. I know that’s not really that bad but I just can’t stand it. I go to work angry, leave work angry, and feign not being angry during class. It’s exhausting.

I emailed several recruiters yesterday. I’d be interested to see what they had to say. I’m sure I must have emails in my inbox. That’s just the way my life works at the moment. The internet is down because I have 2 great emails with tons of job offers for me. Probably not but I’m stuck in this ‘woe is me’ rut,

I bought an external hard drive a few weeks ago. I forget which day it was but I was sweeping the floor and put it up on the dresser. I have no real table and there’s nowhere to put one if I did so I have this cords and everything leading from the wall to what amounts to my coffee table. Anyways, I need to get these cords out of the way so I have to put stuff on these counters. Well, I ended up knocking it over and it fell onto the floor. I had downloaded several movies that I hadn’t watched as well as putting my entire music collection on it. Now it just refuses to work. Everything looks fine and it will turn on but as of now it’s just a little box of nothing that haunts me. Just like the keys to my bicycle lock. I wonder why I’ve been hanging on to those. Maybe I’m just in denial about it. I don’t know how Korea made me so unlucky. My reasoning has led to believe that my sleep deprivation leads me to make poor decisions.

I’ve done some serious irrational things, namely staying at Wonderland when I hate it so much. I’d worked out that I could quit today since it was 40 days until the 6 month mark. I re-read my contract and I guess it’s resignation before the 6 month mark that I need to repay the airfare. So if I don’t want to repay it then I need to work until the end of September and then give notice and end up working until the end of October. The thought of 40 days at Wonderland is bad enough. I’ll be damned before that becomes 70 days. Actually 80 probably. Then my contract talks about full teaching sessions and my first one was technically incomplete so if my boss wanted to be a complete asshole about it I could end up working until the end of November. I really wonder how quitting will go today. I didn’t even see my boss there this morning. I don’t think he spoke to me at all last week. Not a single word.

I ended up talking to one of the Korean teachers after work on Friday. She asked me why I wasn’t there on moving day. I explained that that was a day of my vacation and if I wanted to give it up and be taken advantage of that should’ve been my choice. Truth be told, I may have actually helped the school move had I been asked nicely rather than demanded. Anyways, she told me that I just reconfirmed their view that foreigners are all selfish bastards. She might not have added the bastard but it was definitely implied. I swear they even avoid making eye contact with me. I remember on Thursday we had gone on a field trip and our bus was back before the other one. Jupiter asked Renee why we were back earlier than the other bus and what she thought of the human body exposition that we’d gone to. I didn’t want him to ask me anything and he didn’t. Didn’t even look at me. I’m so loved at work.

Actually, my boss may have spoken to me last week. He asked if I had been receiving or paying any bills from the cable company. I told him no since I had never received a cable bill. Maybe that’s why the internet is down. Maybe I’ve been cut off. The cable company provides my internet service also. It was working 2 hours ago though. The little lights on the internet box are still flashing not that I know anything about what they may mean. I can only assume it means it’s getting or sending some kind of information. Maybe it’s just trying to.

It’s official. Not only is my internet down but my cable is out, too. Now, I’m especially cut off from everything. I have a few CDs and books, a telephone, and a few Korean radio and television stations.

I'm at a PC bang now. I can't believe I've had to come to one of these. My boss said he would look into everything about the cable bill but apparently he didn't. Any reservations I may have had about quitting have completely vanished. It turns out I didn't have any emails. Figures really. I really feel like I should've had some kind of meltdown by this point.

Anyways, let's try to add some cheerful things in here to distract me. I asked Kevin if he had been at EMart. I guess that was him and then he tried to tell me something about my face that day. I was a desperate and exhausted man at EMart like if I couldn't find sleeping pills I was going to die. I've actually only taken 3 of them total. I think the first and second days I had them and then on Saturday.

Ah Saturday, I went bowling on Saturday. It was kind of fun I guess but the only thing I kept thinking was that it could be a lot more fun with alcohol. I feel like I can only have a good time now if I'm drinking or at least high on caffeine. That bothers me. Either I will become a raging alcoholic in September or I will go stone-cold sober. I just don't know. I didn't end up doing anything on Saturday night. I sat at home and did nothing really. I listened to one CD again and again and then just one song again and again. I also read about 50 pages of Gandhi's autobiography. That was quite interesting and made me realize how little I know about India. I suppose he didn't write it for me but for his Indian or possible just Hindu brethren. Then I decided it was late enough to go to bed but could only think about my work situation and after a few hours of this I decided to reach for a little blue pills. I slept very well actually. Until like 2pm. It's even been getting a little cool in my apartment. Only 30 degrees at the moment. I actually got cold in the morning and decided I could now start sleeping with something to cover me so I went and got a blanket. Maybe it's just the blanket that I've been missing. It felt nice. I even felt positive yesterday. I'm not sure why. Drug influence probably. Had I gotten a bad sleep yet again I would've had a much worse day. I tried to call someone on Saturday to potentially enjoy myself. There was no answer. Just as well I suppose. Maybe I just needed to wallow in self-pity for an evening.

Let's talk about Thursday night for a moment. Thursday was kind of enjoyable. Went out to eat with Alex, went to a few bars, and met a group of interesting people. Alex left a bit after we met these people for reasons I will not explain. I was already pretty drunk I guess but ended up drinking a bit with a guy from Shanghai, someone from near Chechnya, and a girl from Oklahoma named Lydia. An odd trio to say the least. We stayed at this one bar until it closed and then went to a noraebang or karaoke. It was kind of fun I guess but only because I'd had the right amount to drink. I thought that maybe I should go home but I was enjoying myself and the others needed to work the next day too even earlier than I did. I don't think it was that wise a decision. I didn't get home until 6:20 and I slept until about 10. I felt awful at work the night day but I always feel awful there so nothing was new really except the feeling that if I threw up I would've felt a lot better. I deserved it really but when a job drives you to drink what can you do? I know. Quit it.