Perspectives

It's been about 2 weeks since I've resigned. Maybe it is a good thing I needed to give 40 days notice. I have no idea what to do with myself come October. I haven't been able to find a new job in Korea. I really don't know if I'll be able to manage it either. At least not one where I'd get everything I wanted and only work for 3-6 months. I'm counting down the days at work. 18. That can't mean I like my job and I don't regret leaving it. I feel like staying just for the security of it, which is a stupid reason but one that I imagine a lot of adhere to.

My latest impractical plan involves train travel to Africa. I guess I could go teach in Ghana for like 6 months which wouldn't be bad really. It wouldn't really solve anything though. I don't know what I want. If only I had a city that felt like home. I haven't lived in Edmonton really since 2000. I didn't even live there for the 1998-99 schoolyear. I didn't go to school in Beaumont for the 97/98 year either. It's been a long time and will never really feel like home again. I wonder if it ever did. Maybe that's my whole problem. I'd rather not have this be another introspective 'what's wrong with me?' posts.

The above picture I took in Chile on February 2 my camera says. I wish I could just go to some great landscape and think about the future. Then, I always realize though when I find these places that I'm not some fictional character where things work out like this and instead just end up getting bit by insects or have loud trucks go by. If only I were fictional and my life were heading toward some kind of climax.

Actually, I don't know how I feel about that. The whole happily ever after bit. You'd think something interesting would've happened between the time Snow White, Cinderalla, etc. and Prince Charming got married and the time they died. That's one wickedly long denouement. I mean the rest is kind of dull in comparison but really, effectively their lives just kind of end at that point. Maybe it's better to not have one huge climax. Hopefully, I haven't had mine, just in my theoretical everyone's lives must have some kind of climax at some point. It reminds me of some Onion thing. I have a little day calendar from the Onion. "Best years of Area Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen." That's pretty depressing though. I suppose you have to actively seek out the best years. I think that's why I'm avoiding going back to school or entering a true labour force. I don't think you can have the best years while at the same time saving for retirement or thinking about getting a new dishwasher. Maybe that's a fallacy on my part. I guess once you have a stable job and a spouse your life might just become a happily ever after. After children I guess. I mean, so many people are just defined by their age, occupation, marital status, and place of residence.

Joe Baker
Age: 45
Occupation: Accountant
Married with 2 children. Lives in Portsmith, Kansas.

Joe Baker died last Tuesday. Aged 84. He is survived by his wife Lorraine and their 2 children and 3 grandchildren. He had been accountant for 40 years. So long, Joe.

This can't be my life. I don't know what the alternative is though. Once he married Lorraine and settled on accounting his life was over really as far as anything worthy of narration goes. I suppose one day I might crave that kind of stability but I think I want to be at least 35 before my story ends. Ghana, anyone?