Random thoughts / I'm so confused

I was reading my Economist magazine today. For some reason, I was just struck by the amount of problems in the world. You'd think there would be some kind of limit to the world's problems. Let's list off the themes of the articles (I'm going to skip the business ones I think, interests rates aren't the kinds of problems I meant):

Terrorism
Corruption
Historical arguments
North Korea
Abuse
Drug Trade
Pollution
Israel and Palestine
AIDS
Apartheid
Poverty
Income Inequality
Racial profiling
Global warming
Religion v. Science
Territorial Disputes
War

So that's my quick list of the world's problems this week. I'm in a weird kind of mood. I went out last night and just feel like lying on my bed today. It's funny though how all the problems seem kind of connected. Why do racial and religious differences lead to war and disputes? Why do poor nations seem to be linked to corruption, AIDS, and drugs? So I was thinking whether the world would be better if it were more apathetic or more concerned. I decided both. Apathy is probably better in terms of things like religion, resources, and territorial disputes. Greed and self-righteousness really are horrible traits. I guess anything to do with any kind of dispute. If people didn't care enough to hate, there would be so fewer problems. Then, some things really won't solve themselves. AIDS and poverty in Africa for instance or pollution. Really those are problems that exist because of too much apathy. It's so easy to forget about poverty when you're in your lovely condo deciding which art print to hang on the wall. There was some line in Collateral. Tom Cruise was a hit man and Jamie Foxx was driving him around. Foxx realized that Cruise was killing people and Cruise said "why do you care? thousands of people die everyday in Africa from conflict, starvation, disease, etc. this is one guy and he had it coming." Or something to that effect. I wonder if proximity is the only thing that makes people less indifferent. Is it because that's the only thing that makes it real? There could be a rapist on the only side of the city and the people's reaction is just 'oh, that's terrible' but if it's their side of the city their attitude is completely different. It's unfortunate really that that is the only way to make people care. Have it personally affect them. Then again, if everyone had strong opinions about Israel the world would be divided into Pro-Israel and Pro-Palestine. I don't know. Maybe it's the likelihood of successful action that make people respond. You can eridicate small pox and polio (almost, I think) but AIDS will just continue to spread because of poverty, stigma, and religious dogma. I still don't understand the evils of birth control. The Catholic Church could do such positive things in places where religion still plays a role in people's lives. Instead they adhere to old doctrine that's outdated. I'm being so political today. I wonder why that is. I'm really kind of being a hypocrite anyway. I don't really do anything to solve the world's problems. I do my best to recycle.

I was also wondering about evil today. I've never believed in evil, well evil acts maybe, not evil people. I was watching "Ninjai: The Little Ninja" today. Evil can exist in a fictional setting. Then I was reading about Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. "The Jordanian-born Mr Zarqawi, who swears allegiance to Osama bin Laden, is held responsible for some of the most brutal violence in Iraq. The suicide bombings, the kidnapping and beheading of hostages...." It just made me think of the villain in Ninjai. I could never imagine myself beheading someone or ordering someone to do. What kind of person is this? Is it really possible for a man to commit such evil acts just out of sheer hate and powerlust?

My other naked bed lying thoughts involved my life. I have no idea where it is going. I have a secret plan, well maybe not so secret, to go to Australia once I finish my stint in Korea. I plan on travelling only by land and sea. I'm sure there must be ferries between Papua New Guinea and Darwin or some kind of sea route between the continent and some Indonesian island. Anyways, that's how I plan to see as much of the world as possible. Plus it would be so strange to arrive in a western country without having left the ground. Sometimes, I feel like I'm reborn each time I go on a plane. Especially, when I'm travelling alone and between places that have no connection to any other part of my life. Like when I was living in Corpus Christi and travelling to and from Edmonton. No one in Texas knows anyone in Alberta. Well, I guess they met my parents. It's always weird when my parents enter any of my non-Edmonton lives. I have a hard time with out-of-sight out-of-mind problems. I'm very good at compartmentalizing and it's just odd when I realize that these compartments neighbour other ones. I wonder if my life is just a small series of smaller lives. Mind you most of my lives are now dead. My Newfoundland life, my Denmark life, my London life, my Texas life are all dead really. There are ghosts of them but for all intensive purposes they will never exist again. Unfortunate, I really liked my Denmark life. I think it died May 29th, 2003 when I hopped on a plane and was reborn in London. Then my London life died on July 12th and I lived my Edmonton life for about 10 hours mostly spent sleeping and resumed my Texas life the next day. I was on so many planes those 2 days. I guess airports are pretty much like limbo. Appropriate really since it really is a lot like limbo. Well, when transferring planes especially. It's a place you never plan to go and just walk around waiting for another flight and everyone there is exactly the same. It's really funny how airports are always full of people but they will never be the same people aside from the staff. Sometimes, I wonder how it is that all our lives have led us to this point in time, to all be in the same place at one time but then never again. Even on the subway, I think that. Maybe this girl had just missed the last train or what made this guy come at this precise moment. Coincidence and whatever has led us all to be here and now we'll just sit and ignore everyone and never be together again. It really is all meaningless but sometimes I pretend it's not. I can only do that with transportation. It's so random and no one is going to the same place. Even cars on the street I do that. I was sitting in the back seat at a stoplight and there was a car next to us. Could you have ever just picked me and the people in the other car and predicted that our paths would cross this way? I think there was some movie like that or maybe I just thought of what a weird movie it would be. Two people living seperate lives and the whole story they don't know each other but you feel like they are somehow destined to be together and at the end of the movie they walk down the sidewalk in opposite directions and just pass each other without speaking. Maybe it's a book or something. Quite anticlimactic but probably very realistic aside from the destiny thing.

That kind of got off topic. Anyways, so Australia by land and sea. I have no goals in life maybe that's my problem aside from wanderlust. Anyways, my Edmonton life is in a coma. I don't know whether it will ever wake up. Probably not. I don't feel like I have a home anymore. I feels a lot more like visiting when I go 'home.' My parents change of address probably has a lot to do with that. Anyways, my goal after Australia was to head over to the UK or Sweden by land and sea again. I wonder how expensive it is to travel through Kazakstan. Then I was going to go to grad school in York. Now I don't know. Maybe I will just end up as a drifter. Travel around Sydney to Stockholm, Cairo to Cape town. I wonder how long I'd be able to do this. Maybe work illegally in a few countries (would it really matter if I were deported) if I needed some money or felt like staying a few months. The only problem I could think of would be long term things. I have no clue what to do with myself. This guy I know is 20 and about to start law school in the fall. I can't imagine resigning myself to one career for more than 1 year, let alone a lifetime. Would my life be better if I could? Maybe I'll be a vagabond until 30 and then make some decisions. 30 year olds can be broke and still survive after 65 right?