Vagabonding

I've been thinking a lot about what to do with my life recently. Things in Daegu have changed a lot for me recently with my new job, new apartment, and living in a completely different part of the city. It's really not an ideal situation and were it not for the opportunity to earn some money and the need to hold Win School accountable I could almost certainly say that I would not be here. The answer to the question of where I would be is also a reason that I am still here because I really don't know.

I've probably said it a few times before but I really don't have much going on for me anywhere. I lived in Edmonton, well close to Edmonton, for 17 years and only have a couple of people that I am still friends with there and one of them lives in Florida. I lived in Newfoundland for a year and there's no one that I'm in contact with from there. I lived in Texas for about 3 years over a 4.5 year period and I'm not really in contact with anyone there either. I really don't know why all of my friends (with very few exceptions) seem to come from 10 months I spent in Denmark.

I suppose it has something to do with everyone going there and being in a foreign environment. No one really knowing anyone else. I don't know, I guess I'm just not very good at making new friends especially when people already have routines, which is why I may have decided to abandon my vagabond lifestyle. I mean I still want to be in different places and do different things but not with different people since evidently I'm quite bad at meeting people.

Ideally I would meet a group of people of 3-4 people maybe and we'd go around the world together but the chances of that happening are slim and the longterm prospects wouldn't be that great either. I mean I'm only 24 (though I'm beginning to think more along the lines of 25) but I'm really starting to think about the future a lot more. I think continuing the kind of life I'm leading is just going to result in a series of gains and losses. If I were more outgoing or better at meeting people it might not be such a problem. I could make a huge group of friends and people could come in and out of it easily. That's really not me though. I tend to have a small group of good friends, maybe even as few as 1 or 2. So then once it's time to move on the loss is felt more heavily. I'm tired of having just a series of losses when I'm not good at making gains. Even if I see these people again I know if won't be the same and they will never be in my daily life again.

One of my favourite songs is called 'Again' by Lenny Kravitz. I don't know whether I like the song for how it actually sounds. I remember when I first heard it there were parts of it that I really didn't like but now I don't remember which parts of it. I think it's mostly because I can relate to it. There's a line in the song "I wonder if I'll ever see you again." Except my family, I guess, I could wonder that about far too many people, which I just think of as depressing.

I'm weighing 3 options right now. It's basically a given that I will leave Korea in about 3 months. That could change but I'm sick and tired of the ESL game. My father would be in India at that point, he'll probably be there sometime next week, so depending what month it is I may spend a few weeks there. After that though, I'm thinking of either going to Africa, Australia, or Vancouver. The A options would be a continuation of vagabonding and the last one would be me deciding to actually stay put for a while.

I was excited about Australia for awhile but that's been waning lately. I'm scared it'll just turn into another time where I'll start out lonely for a few months, then meet a couple of people if I'm lucky, and then be depressed for a few months afterwards. It just seems inevitable.

Africa would be a nice option I think. I would just travel around Africa for a few months. I've been psychoanalyzing myself much too much so I don't think I need to do that here. Anyways, it would be a nice way to end vagabonding, one last really good trip before I settle down. Maybe I could get some kind of internship there with a development agency or something for a few months. I don't know.

I'm thinking most seriously about Vancouver. I don't really know anyone there but I'd have to meet new people practically anywhere I went either and I really think I'd be able to live in Vancouver for awhile. Get a masters in some branch of economics maybe at UBC. Everyone says Vancouver is one of the best places to live. I could also easily move there, not have to worry about getting visas or anything. So maybe I'll do Africa for a few months and then move to Vancouver at the end of summer. Might be a good plan?