You'll have to see where it goes

I'm never to going to sleep again, I don't think. At least not well, and definitely not while I'm in Korea, well this little block of it. I was feeling tired yesterday and went to bed at a decent time I think. I guess 1am isn't decent but it's better than other nights. I was just dozing off I think and then someone starts welding or something outside of my apartment at 1:30. I really don't know what he was doing but it was either some kind of grinding noise or engine revving. Actually, it was an engine, probably some bike. I thought welding though would add something even more ridiculous to it. I don't know how long it went on. I was semi-conscious the whole night. Maybe I should just become an ether addict or something. I imagine it's about the same and should at least be enjoyable. After the bike, there was arguing, and then neighbour's lights and more arguing. My curtains aren't as awesome as I thought but I can at least move right next to the window now and I'm fine. I used to be able to sleep the whole night through and now I just wake up and want to cry. Too bad no one will come to feed me or bring me drinks now. Perhaps, I'm regressing. I don't actually want to cry, I'm just really angry.

I'm a much angrier person these days. I've never been pissed off so many consecutive days. Usually, I'm so mellow and will get depressed and bored but not angry. I think it's only every few months that I have something to be angry about. I come home from work now and feel like just being mad for several hours. I think it's related to my sleep. Let's say I have a magical fuse and it's very long. Usually it's unlit but if it is lit it will burn down very slowly so that the explosion is very unlikely. It also grows back to it's original length everynight or overtime anyway. These days it's much easier to light, it burns much faster, and continues to shorten at night or at least grows back very very little. I've hardly exploded though. I wonder what day it will be where I finally just become the hulk or something. These days, I just lean my head back and take a deep breath and then shake it in a sad, kind of annoyed, yet slightly amused kind of way. How could this be my life? If I ever do kill anyone in this country though it will very likely be on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday night between 7:25 and maybe 10. Most likely a Wednesday. It's been building and there's no weekend to immediate look forward to.

I was thinking about it yesterday though as I was walking through E-Mart looking for a shower curtain (for a kitchen window) and some index cards, how did I end up walking through E-Mart looking for a shower curtain and index cards in suburban Daegu, Korea? I know you could probably stop at just about any time in life and ask yourself that. It's something you probably never thought you would do but it just seemed very weird to me. I wonder where I will be a year from now.

It is a bit pathetic though that I spent more time thinking about potential vacation destinations than I did making enormous decisions. Korea only being one. I considered it and thought it was too impractical an idea. I had just got back home from a trip to South America and was going to find a serious job in Edmonton and just live at home for a year to make more travel money. I, my parents rather, had just got me a new car. There was no real reason to leave. I was prepared to have a boring year at home. I had a bad interview, went back to that ad I saw, and thought I'd apply. What would be the harm? I'd probably never hear anything anyway. Less than 24 hours later, I had a call. At first the idea of teaching English in a foreign country seemed appealing. It had everything I was looking for except it was in South Korea. I had this 3rd world view of Korea in my mind for some reason. I think it stems from the fact that they eat dogs. I just imagined a big alley with some stray dogs and garbage. I knew it wasn't really what Korea was like but that was my image. Then, and this will be embarrassing to admit. I saw Lost and there was a Korean couple. I don't think I'd seen anything set in Korea before. Anyways, it made me reevaluate my view of Korea. Maybe it really was a very developed country, practically like Japan (never having been to Japan). I've realised that it's probably in between. At least, my little part of town in Dalseogu. Even though Tokyo is probably just a bunch of bright lights it really does make it seem more modern. I wonder if my opinion would be different if I was walking through a very central urban street everyday instead of walking through a series of alleyways everyday to get to work. It's depressing walking 10-15 minutes without seeing much life. I walk through 2 little parks on my way to work. Those parts are alright but the other 10 minutes are quite ugly. I think they have some trees and whatnot but they are all behind big walls so I don't see any of it. Concrete and not much glass isn't pretty to look at. How did I end up here? Not Korea, just this train of thought.

Anyways, I contemplated Korea for a couple days and then all of the sudden I'd signed a contract.

I had a strange experience today. I was going back to work after my Korean lessons. I was going to be there 5 minutes later than I would've liked and I crossed the one street I cross everyday that isn't a big intersection. Anyways, I crossed and then this woman yells out from her car 'excuse me.' I had walked in front of her car to cross since there aren't lights on that part of the street. She would've never hit me but I thought either she wants me to help her with directions or was concerned that I might have thought she rude for not slowing down more or something. That was really only when she didn't get out of car right away. She just stops her car in the middle of the street really and comes over to talk to me. It turns out she has started learning English. I'm so naive sometimes. Of course, it had nothing to do with the situation only that I look like an English speaker. Anyways, I have a hard time being forward with people so now this 40 something woman in my area has my email address and I have her cell number. It's really just easier sometimes to give people what they want. I should've never stopped. I'm going to start pretending I'm French, Spanish, or Danish from now on. I hear there are a few Russians in Korea but mostly in port cities. If only I knew a more Russian sounding language. It would be hard explaining what a Dane would be doing living in Korea without any English skills. My Danish is pretty bad at the moment but it's good enough to confuse a Korean. French is probably a better option. It sounds less Germanic and I speak it better but I don't know, French isn't exciting to me.

Also, the other day I was at the gym and my middle aged guy was there and this other guy. Short story, the other guy had a camera and now he's going to email pictures to me. What a strange place where I could end up having pictures taken by some guy that I've hardly spoken to just for looking the way I do. I've spoke to him twice before. Once he asked where I from and the next time to tell me I should eat protein. He says hello to me though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm this minor celebrity in my area. That woman told me she had seen me several times before. I don't know how. I would've never thought I'd make a memorable impression before. I guess it's because I'm white. I am much more noticeable than a local I guess which is probably why I'd never recognize her if I'd seen her before.

I guess that's all for today. 친고를 만나요 (Probably completely wrong).