Ode to My Korean Stalker
That's right. I have a Korean stalker. Her name is Hwang-Su. I don't know what she does though she tried to tell me 3 times. She speaks hardly any English and has a cousin whose English is hardly any better.
Luckily I met her a few days before I left. I was eating a restaurant near Alex's apartment. I'm too good-looking for my own good sometimes. That's all she could've been interested in really. Definitely wasn't for conversation. Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm very attractive but honestly I don't think I could live up to any hype as I'm pretty average looking. Anyways, they ask if they can come to our table. We had a warning before-hand from the owner who was doing the asking. We said yes, not knowing what we were getting into. They had a lot more confidence in their English skills than their skills would actually merit. We had such bad small talk. She likes all American movies, that's right ALL every single one. It was pretty bad, I didn't even know what to say to her since she had a vocabulary of maybe 30 words. She was ballsy, I'll give her that.
Somehow, they ended back at Alex's apartment. That was just as awkward. She was kind of nasty and pretended to lick the behind of this stuffed monkey. More bad conversation and they left. The next day, or maybe the day after, she showed up at the apartment. Taking them there was a really bad idea. Anyways, she had a phrasebook this time and a page worth of dialogue she had written from it. She called her friend who spoke English and gave the phone to Alex. He told the friend that we had been trying to watch a movie and the girls were bothering us. So they kind of stormed out leaving the phrasebook behing. She had circled several phrases including "I'm lovesick" and something about falling in love the moment we met. She came back and got her phrasebook the next day. I didn't see her, Alex just shoved the book at her and she left.
Anyways, since I've been gone and I figured she'd have given up, she's returned to Alex's apartment bearing flowers. How bizarre! I told her I was going to China. I guess she just pretended to understand. It's very strange. I don't even know what to make of it. Hopefully, she'll have given up by the time I get back to Korea. We'll have to see how determined she is.
One of her phrases was 'I've always wanted to American friends.' She doesn't even listen to me. I told her I was Canadian. They know that America and Canada are different places. If only I were a bit uglier. The guy today too told me how handsome I was. Model. Italian boy. Maybe I should've been a bit gayer acting with him. He might have paid for my share of the drinks if I had. Yes, no more friends for me in Shanghai.
Actually, I met one friend who cost me nothing. She just wanted me to buy art. Took me to her school's exhibition. Good thing she wasn't pushy. I was even alone for 3 minutes between these 3 encounters. At least the art would've lasted. Expensive drinks go right through you and without good memories are a complete waste of money.
2 comments:
Haha - pretty boy!
I don't really understand the concluding two paragraphs of this post. I do know that Koreans (and well, everyone else) don't care about the differences between Canada and the USA.
So, you attended an art exhibition in Shanghai? It cost you nothing but you bought expensive drinks? Did you buy any art? I guess asking for clarification in a blog post is treading new territory in the 'poor time management' category - but I'm hella curious.
Oh Tyler. I wish the flowers had been for you. It was the Friend Of Stalker who came bearing flowers, for me compadre, not you. Don't get so overconfident and think all unattractive, non-english speaking girls are after you. Luckily Nathan was over at the time, we were in the midst of discussing Chomsky's ideas about the future of Asian power structure and she knocked. She actually covered the camera on the door so I couldn't see who it was. lol. I took the flowers, said thank you very much, and closed the door. I felt terrible, but I didn't want to feign interest. This comment is almost as long as your post. Where the f**k is my email? Didn't I earn that?
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