Friday, September 30, 2005

Paragraph 1, Article 68

Pursuant to Paragraph 1, Article 68 of the Immigration Law, Blue S. Who-Two is ordered to leave the Republic of Korea.
Deadline of Departure: 2005.10.10

So not only am I leaving but I've been banished. It's an official exit order. That was what I accomplished today. Expulsion from a country. I had to drive with my boss to the immigration office which took about 40 minutes. Maybe 20 words were exchanged. I've had my last class with the Melon students. Only 6 more classes and then freedom for 10 days followed by mandatory expulsion.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Hate & Hilarity

It's a really good thing that I am leaving my job soon otherwise I might start to take all this unexpressed hostility towards me personally. I don't even think anyone has even raised their voice to me actually. I find it all quite funny actually.

So Julie has hated me since move-in day when I didn't volunteer to give up a day of my vacation to help the school move maybe I should say when I wasn't taken advantage of by the school, since that's the way I see it. I don't remember if I've mentioned this. Probably. Her way of telling me things is to get the kinder students to tell me. Quite immature and I decided I would just do things the way I did them and Julie needs to tell me herself. Not that it matters with 3 days left which is what makes the whole thing ridiculous. I guess, I was writing the kids' name too big on the board. I'd leave it there if I had another class with them (Wednesday and Thursday only). The kids tell me this makes Julie teacher very angry because she wants to use the whole board. I need to write the kids names smaller which of course contradicts with something Amy said once (if you write their names, make them big). Anyways, so that's the way Julie expresses herself to me. She had to give me some kids' numbers once. I found it on a post-it on my desk. No verbal mention. Only the most urgent things are not written to me.

I told Amy on Monday that I wasn't going to make tests for next month. Monday was the only day this week that I have a decent break. Today I worked the whole day, every single class period. I don't think anyone has done this for a very long time at the school. Certainly, none of the current teachers. Not even when someone's out sick. Wednesday, I have one class off in the morning. Thursday one class right at the end. Friday when I usually get to sleep in I will have to go with my boss to immigration. I hadn't thought about how awkward the drive there and back will be until now. He's probably been the nicest to me since maybe the 2nd or 3rd day after I quit. He wasn't so nice the day I actually quit but what do you expect? Right, so I told Amy how I had no time to make them. Her solution was that I should use my Monday break to make these tests which would've probably taken 2 hours. 2 unpaid hours that would eat away my only time off that day. So I sat there for way too long thinking about how I would tell her I wasn't going to do them. I imagined all kinds of potential statements and arguments. I always do that. Anyways, I prepared way too much. I told her and her eyes just changed completely as if I had just told her something shocking. She was quite speechless actually. All she asked was if I would show the new teacher how to make them. I don't know whether she was trying to get me to feel sorry for the new teacher or if she was serious but I said that was okay and left before Amy could think of anything else to say. I doubt that they'd make Candace make them but I'm not going to let them take me advantage of me like that. I don't owe the school any favours. They should be thanking me that I actually gave 40 days notice and didn't run off in the middle of the night.

Amy's way of getting back at me was to print out the field trip schedule and put it on everyone's desk but mine. Also to misspell my name. Shwan. She's done it since I've been there though. I don't understand why she thinks Shawn and Shwan are interchangeable. I swear it's half the time. Yet, Renee's little accent always gets special treatment. It isn't my name so I never bothered to say anything. Shawn or Shwan isn't my name. She also started the post-it method of communication. Quite a hit with the angry K teacher crowd. I just realized that I don't like the name Shawn. I never realized it until reading something and having the students point it out. The sun shone brightly in the sun. 'Ah, Shawn teacher.' What kind of name is the past tense of a verb. I wouldn't mind being Shine, well I would, but Shawn/Shone implies that my shining time has come and gone. I really hope that isn't a metaphor for my life. Ah, yes, your scholastic years were your finest years, but those days are gone. You have already shone your brightest. In life, you will be a failure. I know I'm reading too much into this. Someone wrote something to me a few days ago. Someone I've kept in reasonable touch with over IM. Anyways, he not only misspelt my name but gave me an entirely different one. Taylor. I really wonder if this was a slip or if he actually thinks my name is Taylor. Probably offends me more as of the 50 or so people I come into contact weekly so few of them know my actual name.

More about how hated I am. I showed up to work about 20 minutes late today, 10 minutes before we left on the field trip. I hate the 30 minute rule but so far no one has ever said a thing. No one tells me when I do anything wrong. I can tell they disapprove but for some reason they never tell me what it is they disapprove of. No one said a single word to me the whole morning except for my students. None of the Korean teachers at least. Wait, Grace teacher who speaks no English may have said my non-name and pointed to where in the bus she wanted me to sit. That was the extent of it. I really says a lot that I was shocked when Julie teacher was going around with a trash bag and actually held it long enough for me to put stuff in it. She held it for my and the students who were seating around me. Enough about how much I am hated and how funny I find it all.

I went on a field trip to the Daegu Arboretum today. Basically we just walked around looking at plants. The kids sketched for about 30 minutes. We sat on the grass (well mats on the grass) and ate. I guess they played a little bit. A relay race and some singing. I swung them around for a bit which I knew was a bad idea since once you do one kid you have to do them all at least 50 times. So it was fun. Kate gave me a sad pouty face when she said I would be gone next week. That made me feel good but then she got all excited about the new teacher. Kate is such a popular girl. Twice on field trips she's run into people she knew. Hasn't happened to anyone else. She made 1000 won from the encounter. Karen and Justin will also be sad I think. Most of the kinders will miss me I think. The older students not so much. I was going to try to make an effort to be more concise but I guess I just can't be concise. So here are some pictures of the field trip.

This is Andrew and some pastels. He loves me. He tells me so. He has a bit (way) too much energy and is uncontrollable at times. I like him though.

This is Elly. She hasn't been there very long. I guess 2-3 months. She had to go to the hospital the other day for stitches because she hit her chin on the table somehow. I'm so grateful it wasn't in one of my classes. Julie never mentioned the incident.

Here's Karen. I've written about her before. She didn't want to let me take her picture today so I stuck the camera close to her downturned face and just snapped. Her hair isn't short, that's one of her pigtails. Hands down my favourite. She'll miss me for sure.

Here's Erica. I've written about her before, too. She doesn't trust me and hates being touched in any way. She didn't mind being spun today though. They either confuse 'just one more time' and 'again' but it's likely a trick. Kind of an artsy picture I think. She didn't want me to take her picture either.

This is Paul. He's quite unusual. Maybe I will give him his own post tomorrow. He listens much better than he used to. I think he just takes a lot time to adjust to people. Months. The other day he was so scared of Amy teacher that it took him almost a minute to tell her the classroom was hot(aka turn on the a/c for that room). I felt bad for him. I really like Paul now.

Here's Justin. He'll miss me too I think. We have fun at times but he is always pushing the boundaries. He doesn't mean to. He just thinks he do what he wants because "we're best friends." I like him though. I just wish he and Andrew weren't always playing together instead of listening. He's the big man on campus. Andrew's his number 2. Mostly good though. Extremely good with Julie teacher I think.

This is Kate with Justin in behind. Kate's the popular girl I mentioned earlier. She's probably pretty spoiled I imagine and needs everything of hers to be perfect in every way or she will get upset. Definitely a princess. I remember having one big fight with her and one teacher said she was afraid of me for awhile. I've got her though and we had fun on the bus today as she taught me Korean words.

Here's Amy. She's pretty cute. She's either really quiet or just wants to tell me all kinds of things. Her English is probably the worst though. She hasn't been with me very long. Maybe a month or two. Yesterday she got sick and I had to clean up her vomit with toilet paper. At least, I didn't miss out on that teaching milestone. Quite cute if a bit dazed most times. With me at least. My boss is in the background if you care to look. The bottom picture has all the students in it but no one's face really. Let's see the order: Kate, Elly, Amy, Erica, Karen, Catherine (who I somehow neglected to photograph today), Andrew, Paul, and Justin. Maybe on Garage Sale day I'll have some more pictures.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

23 Photographs

Strange title, I know. I don't know what else to call it.

I got out of bed today having fallen asleep later and woken earlier than I would've liked. I contemplated washing my bedding but have decided to wash it tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about everything really. I have to admit my upbeatness didn't make it very far into the weekend. I've swung right back. I did absolutely nothing with my long weekend. Yesterday the most exciting event was one I would've rather missed.

I was cleaning my bathroom and just decided to spray the windows with the shower hose. The seal isn't airtight I guess and though the windows were closed water got out and fell onto boxed produce belonging to the convenience store. I make horrible decisions really especially when it comes to cleaning. Anyways, I have to confess that I did this twice yesterday. The first time I got away with it, I guess. The second time I could hear someone outside saying 'mul, mul' (water, water). A few minutes later the ajumma was at my door looking upset. She took me down to her store and showed me the track of water leading out of my window and then the slightly wet boxes. I felt bad but given my low level Korean I couldn't even apologize so I just looked sheepish while she lectured me in Korean. I don't know how she feels about me, whether she knows it was accidently/unintentional or whether she just thinks I'm the selfish foreigner that everyone seems to peg me as. I heard her when I went back up to my apartment just repeating the word waygook to someone (foreigner). Luckily, I only have about 9-10 days worth of avoiding her. Sometimes she seems happy to see me and other times just either indifferent or a little upset. Maybe I've wronged her before. Maybe I play my music too loudly or she's offended I don't buy much from her. I don't know. I contemplated buying her flowers or something to apologize but I'm a selfish foreigner and I don't feel like spending money. I watched Curb Your Enthusiasm on DVD yesterday. I can relate so much more to being a victim of a combination of circumstance and poor decisions.

Now on to the title story. I went to a travel agent today. I was going to go to the one where Julie's brother worked, not knowing other ones. I don't know how close they are and it's probably better the place was closed lest there be some kind of familial hatred of me. I was going to lie about where I worked and deny any connection to Julie teacher. She wouldn't know my real name anyways. Maybe that's what this whole problem is related to. Perhaps I make a horrible Shawn. It's funny how I'll be remembered by that name there. Anyways, I went by my old Korean hagwon (where I learnt [hardly any(due to lack of effort)] Korean). I'm not sure why. I saw one of the people from my class outside on their break. I talked to her for a bit. I reconfirmed that my decision to leave Korea was for the best. She gave me the name of a travel agent. I went over there and entered the agency one second before some other Westerner. The agent assumed we were together naturally. I would've also probably. I bought a Chinese visa that should be ready by next Tuesday. It was an extra $25 I think but worth it to not have to overnight in Busan or Seoul and stand in long lines. I also had to get one passport sized photo. Of course you can't just buy one so I had to buy 23. I ended up getting a little keychain with a locket size photo of me. Kind of funny. I went back to give him the photos after about 20 minutes. The other guy was still there. I'm glad I beat him there, we rode up in the same elevator (I beat him to the elevator bank, the 15th floor button, and the agent's door so there was no question really). I think I took less than 10 minutes. Hopefully, I won't need my passport for the next week.

I've begun formulating the first leg of my trip. I'm probably going to literally take a slow boat to China, spend a few days in Beijing arranging for more visas and sightseeing. I'll have a week in Korea so maybe I'll be able to get a Kazakh visa here. I don't think there's a Kyrgyz embassy in Korea anyways. I might have to wait to Beijing to get several visas. Almaty supposedly is the best place to get visas in central Asia. It's probably a good thing I still have 22 passport photos.

After Beijing, I'll probably spend a few days in Xian with the terra cotta soldiers and other things before going on to Urumqi (56 hours by train or bus) and then Almaty (20 hours I think, 7 of which are spent at the border). I'll probably overload my luggage with huge novels. I might have to breakdown and buy another guidebook for China(41,000 won). I'm hoping to buy a used one in Seoul. Otherwise I'll be lost until I get to Kazakhstan, which seems very bizarre. I think I'm more worried about the China segment. I'm not sure why but I think petty theft is worse in China. Aaron, the former former teacher whose workload I have, had his iPod and camera I think stolen his first week in China. I definitely plan on traveling light. I don't know about my digital camera. That's probably the only thing of significant value I'll take aside from currency and my passport. I've always fallen into the con rather than outright theft. I've only ever had my bike stolen I think. It's happened twice now.

Almaty onward is still very much up in the air. Kyrgyztan on to Tajikistan and then Uzbekistan. Turkmenistan might be too big a visa pain to go to. Accompanied guide and visa approval of a month or more even for just a transit visa. I guess I'll have to plot the cities now and read up on the other visas. Hopefully my Chinese visa will be processed uneventfully.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Nausea explained

A few weeks ago I kept feeling nauseous right in the middle of the afternoon. I had no idea why.

I tried to remain in my current state and was successful for most of the afternoon. My last class though came pretty close to ruining the whole thing. What a bunch of yahoos those 3 boys are! One is basically functionally retarded, I just give him the answers and don't make him work at all. Honesty can sound so cruel sometimes. Anyways, about halfway through class I started feeling a bit nauseated. Then I realized what it was. It's from yelling. I swear it is. I felt my stomach as I was yelling and my abdominals were contracting doing strange things with my stomach contents I imagine. My yelling has improved my loud voice I think. I used to not be able to speak that loudly without my throat starting to hurt at some point. Now I feel like I could just yell, all day long, because surprise, surprise, that's what I've been doing for longer than I would have liked.

I also might be starting to speak more loudly in general. I can't really tell since I usually don't speak very loud at all so maybe I'm not only speaking at an average volume but I can't help like feeling like some loud obnoxious jerk when I enter an elevator or am in a quiet space. I don't have any hypothesis for that one I'm afraid. Might all be in my head.

I think I've managed to regain some of my enthusiasm for life from this afternoon. Maybe this will be a nice weekend after all. Would still like to get away if only to head to some consulates. Namely the Chinese one. I wouldn't mind spending a few days in Beijing to obtain a Kazakh visa. I only have the first leg of my potential Stan trip covered. While there are a few things in China that I would like to see that wasn't really the aim of this trip, well potential trip. So my plan would be to dash through China, stop in Urumqi and then take a train or bus to Almaty in Kazakhstan. It's the most cosmopolitan city in central asia so they say. After that I'd arrange for the next visa to Kyrgyztan and Tajikistan possibly. It's going to be such a headache to get visas espescially for Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, and Tajikistan. They all require a letter of invitation which can be bought for about $25 each. Damn visas! They will make fine additions to my passport though. I would love to eyed suspiciously going through customs. 'What was this fellow doing in Uzbekistan?' I've secretly always wanted to come under suspicion. Nothing serious though, just mystery novel type suspicion. I'd never be guilty of anything so maybe that's as far as I'm willing to flirt with serious crime. Anyways, I just felt like writing again to say that I've managed to barely hold on to feeling and that yelling too much will make me nauseated if I don't eat properly for it. I wonder what the ideal diet is for a yelling machine. Only required Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Only 8 more days.

Also there's a replacement for me all lined up. Candace. Poor naive Candace.

Korea's made me bi-polar



This kid isn't even one my students but I don't have any of mine looking quite this happy. This is Ian but I'm posting it to show my current mood. This other one is a girl my friend and I played with under a monument in Buenos Aires. We thought she might have been a homeless girl but it turns out she just likes to play in a lot of dirt. Her parents were eyeing us suspiciously from afar. She wouldn't talk to us, she just kept running around us and we'd purposely bungle attempts to catch her. Kids are fun.



I'm feeling quite well at the moment. Happy, actually. That may have been too strong a word maybe, well I just don't want to jinx it really. I'm sure this feeling will be gone by the time my afternoon classes roll around.

I had so much fun today with my Melon class. I was kind of an irresponsible teacher maybe. Well, I didn't try to teach them all that much. I don't even remember what we did for most of the phonics class. I would say at least 15 minutes was devoted to the textbook. Another 10 to the little letter quiz I give them. Ok, Paul show me a W. Then they write the letter and make a little drawing if they want. Fills up so much time and they seem to enjoy it.

I'm really going to miss Karen I think. I had so much fun with her today. We had a birthday party today for the kindergarten students. 2 of mine had birthdays. Sometimes I feel kind of like their father and am proud of them. Those are my kids up there and they're so much smarter, more fun, and better looking than those other kids. I was just kind of happy for them. So many ups and downs but really right now I'm higher than I have been for quite awhile. The birthday party is usually a complete mess afterwards. I have to serve them food, find cups and forks, and then clean it all up afterwards. The bell rang and I didn't even care that I'd have to clean it up all by myself. I was just playing with them all and was actually interested in what they had to say. I was picking them up, making them jump really high. Completely shunnning my obligations as a teacher. They get so much more out of real interaction though than focusing on the textbook. Yes, van starts with a V and foot with an F and all that but that's not useful. Julie came in while I was playing with them after the bell had rung and told them to put stuff away. I wonder why I used to like Julie as a person. Hmmm.. Anyways, I even stayed a little later than usual today. Usually I clean up and head out the door. Karen helped me clean up a little bit, well watched maybe, and then I flew her to the kids room. I don't know where all this good emotion is coming from though. I woke up feeling disappointed that my alarm wasn't the one to wake me. Then I got ready for work. Sleep really is a wonderful thing. I've just got to accept everything as it is. I don't even mind that the school is ripping hours away from my break time so long as I get to spend the time with my Melons not teaching them anything. Maybe I should just rush through the work and play with them. It would get exhausting I suppose. I could seriously put up with a lot of crap if every morning were like the one today. Too bad this afternoon will completely kill that. I can feel it already. If only they didn't fight with each other or behave so badly sometimes. I wonder if this is related to my feelings of freedom. I still don't have any definitive plans for October but for some reason I just don't care at this point. I will be free.

That Karen. If only she'd been there for August. I missed her. Amy and Andrew and Paul are growing on me too. I need to devote some posts to them I think. I still have a bit of time left. I'll be able to take photos of them on the field trip next week. I'll just need to have some energy. Some days they make me miserable, I must admit, but I'm going to miss my Melons. I don't think they know I'll be leaving yet.

Yesterday too actually went pretty well. I was having a miserable morning. I taught them speech class and afterwards I just felt really low and didn't want to do the class. Julie made mistakes on the schedule and has me teaching unit 8 before 6 and 7 and then teaching 8 again so I knew it wasn't a big deal. It's too bad there are nine of them. That's too many for games I think, well the nice ones that come in boxes. I just kind of let them go a bit crazy but controlled crazy if that's possible. The afternoon too I gave up on trying to control them. I just went with whatever came along instead of telling them to sit down and be quiet. You want to speak Korean, go ahead. Not caring about teaching them anything just relieved this huge burden. It just freed me. I still taught the pages but with very minimal effort. Teaching English isn't really something to be taken seriously. It's too taxing to actually force them to learn. I suppose it's because the school has just taken so much from me that I really don't care if I don't fulfill all my duties. It would be really nice to carry this feeling, this elevated spirit of mine right through the weekend, a four day weekend, in which it might prove impossible to actually do anything. It would be nice, maybe it could happen. I'll do my best.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Depressing Danish Post

Jeg skal skrive på dansk i dag. Det har været en rigtig læng tid at jeg har skrivet noget på dansk men jeg har ting at sige og jeg vil ikke være forstået. Jeg synes der er ikke nogen at kan forstå mig nu fordi min dansk er så dårlig. Jeg har ikke skrivet noget glad for mange måneder men jeg har ikke skrivet på dansk før og derfer det er forskeligt.

Det ved jeg ikke om noget. Det ved jeg ikke hvorfor jeg er her en Korea eller hvad jeg skal lave med mit liv. Jeg ved kun jeg vil gerne rejse. Det er helt. Jeg vil ikke arbejde men jeg bliver nødt til en dag. Jeg vil ikke skulle hjem. Jeg har ikke venner der. Jeg har ikke venner en et sted i verden. Alle mine venner som i forskelligt stede og lande. Jeg synes jeg kan godt lide at rejse fordi jeg prøver at finde et sted i verden hvor jeg hører til. Måske det ikke er et sted.

Mit job er meget dårligt. Jeg tror det ødelægger mig. Jeg kan ikke sove. Jeg har ikke lyst til at spise. Jeg har ikke lyst til noget. Jeg læser Gandhis selvbiografi og jeg hader det. Han skriver om hvordan befri selv fra ønske. Jeg ønsker at jeg har ønsker. Det er hvordan man kender at man er levende. Jeg er ikke åndelig derfor jeg ikke kan forstå hvordan han tænker. Det er ikke et liv hvis man har ikke ønske.

Det er bedre at jeg skriver på dansk, synes jeg. Det er sværter at skrive og jeg kan ikke være kedelig om alt fordi jeg er nødt til at tænke for meget. Jeg kan ikke skrive mange ting heller ikke fordi jeg har glemt min dansk. Jeg kunne ikke tale rigtig godt dansk da jeg var i Danmark.

Det er sværter at gå til mit job hver dag. Jeg taler ikke med nogen. Koreanerne snakker ikke med mig fordi de hader mig og den anden canadier fordi de snakker altid sammen. Det er meget svært at have kun børn for at snakke til. De kan ikke tale engelsk. Jeg har ikke anden ting at sige på dansk i dag.

Hvis du har udnyttet en oversætter på nettet du har beraget men jeg har beraget også fordi jeg har glemt mange orden. Det har været mere end 2 år og jeg kan stadig skrive en lidt. Alle mine venner har glemt alt. Jeg gad vide hvad min laerer skulle syne.

Friday, September 09, 2005

My Name is Jay Walker

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile. I'm usually a very law-abiding person and all and usually do what the little man tells me to do. A few weeks, maybe more than a few I began jaywalking. It was never anything dangerous, well maybe once. It just makes me feel better for some reason that I don't have to wait and can just go whenever I want (provided no cars are coming). I think it was directly related to how powerful I felt in other areas of my life. I felt utterly helpless and so to prove how much power I had I decided to rebel and walk even though red lights told me not to. After I quit though or when I'm feeling more content, I'm fine waiting for the light to change. It feels so nice to just leave people waiting on the curb while you brush past them right onto the street.

There was only one dangerous time. I was feeling quite pissed off that day and there were cars coming. I waited until a giant bus was rounding the corner and walked behind it. There was a Korean man whose mouth was just agape. He couldn't believe what I had done. I don't know why that made me feel good. Sidenote: I actually met a guy named Jay Walker once but never put it together until later. He was in my speech class and had done some missionary work or something in Kenya. It was kind of depressing to hear about how the Masai (sp) were into Shaq and the NBA. It's very hard to escape western pop culture I think. I heard that Kate Winslet was hiking through the Himalayas or doing something in a very remote place and she happened across this elderly man and he looked at her, pointed, and said 'Titanic.' I wonder if there's such a thing as exploring when Paramount or Universal can be anywhere much faster than you.

In other news, I've kind of decided not to teach again. I have good days and bad days but really I don't know if I care to have any more of the bad days. It's kind of sad that I didn't finish my year here. I've discussed my job with a few people and I don't think any of them would have stayed. I applied at this one school and she said even she would've quit and I didn't even tell her anything in detail. I wouldn't mind teaching here for another 6 months just to complete my year here but I doubt I will find anything like that with decent hours in the area I want. Really, I would only want to teach for 3 and leave when a friend of mine is. Either way though, one of us would have 90 days of feeling alone and abandoned. I also had been thinking about having freedom again and after that any job just doesn't sound appealing.

As of now, my plans are very much in the air. I have a basic plan but I don't know whether I have time to prepare it. I've been in Korea for 5.5 months now and I feel as though I've seen nothing of Asia, even Korea. I'll probably go to Seoul for my first time next weekend. I have an open return date, well one I will have to change regardless, so I figure that I should stay and do a bit of travelling. I feel like I've got to do something epic. I'll probably go to South East Asia sometime in my life but I don't know when if ever I would journey to central Asia. My rough plan involves the trans-siberian railroad. I will either ride from Vladivostok to Moscow or the reverse and take some other form of land travel and maybe go through Kazakstan and Turkmenistan or something. I really need to do some research on this though and might skim through some travel guides tomorrow. My plan is for the journey to last about 30-40 days maybe. I'd like to be back in North America before the end of November so I can use my free flight which will expire at the end of that month. That's another part of it. I think I might just go home for a couple months and find some crappy job that doesn't require trying to control the behaviour of others. Then in February possibly take a road trip down to Latin America. I should take advantage of my Chilean entry fee which is good until the expiration of my passport. None of this has been well thought out of course so who knows what will happen to me.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Perspectives



It's been about 2 weeks since I've resigned. Maybe it is a good thing I needed to give 40 days notice. I have no idea what to do with myself come October. I haven't been able to find a new job in Korea. I really don't know if I'll be able to manage it either. At least not one where I'd get everything I wanted and only work for 3-6 months. I'm counting down the days at work. 18. That can't mean I like my job and I don't regret leaving it. I feel like staying just for the security of it, which is a stupid reason but one that I imagine a lot of adhere to.

My latest impractical plan involves train travel to Africa. I guess I could go teach in Ghana for like 6 months which wouldn't be bad really. It wouldn't really solve anything though. I don't know what I want. If only I had a city that felt like home. I haven't lived in Edmonton really since 2000. I didn't even live there for the 1998-99 schoolyear. I didn't go to school in Beaumont for the 97/98 year either. It's been a long time and will never really feel like home again. I wonder if it ever did. Maybe that's my whole problem. I'd rather not have this be another introspective 'what's wrong with me?' posts.

The above picture I took in Chile on February 2 my camera says. I wish I could just go to some great landscape and think about the future. Then, I always realize though when I find these places that I'm not some fictional character where things work out like this and instead just end up getting bit by insects or have loud trucks go by. If only I were fictional and my life were heading toward some kind of climax.

Actually, I don't know how I feel about that. The whole happily ever after bit. You'd think something interesting would've happened between the time Snow White, Cinderalla, etc. and Prince Charming got married and the time they died. That's one wickedly long denouement. I mean the rest is kind of dull in comparison but really, effectively their lives just kind of end at that point. Maybe it's better to not have one huge climax. Hopefully, I haven't had mine, just in my theoretical everyone's lives must have some kind of climax at some point. It reminds me of some Onion thing. I have a little day calendar from the Onion. "Best years of Area Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen." That's pretty depressing though. I suppose you have to actively seek out the best years. I think that's why I'm avoiding going back to school or entering a true labour force. I don't think you can have the best years while at the same time saving for retirement or thinking about getting a new dishwasher. Maybe that's a fallacy on my part. I guess once you have a stable job and a spouse your life might just become a happily ever after. After children I guess. I mean, so many people are just defined by their age, occupation, marital status, and place of residence.

Joe Baker
Age: 45
Occupation: Accountant
Married with 2 children. Lives in Portsmith, Kansas.

Joe Baker died last Tuesday. Aged 84. He is survived by his wife Lorraine and their 2 children and 3 grandchildren. He had been accountant for 40 years. So long, Joe.

This can't be my life. I don't know what the alternative is though. Once he married Lorraine and settled on accounting his life was over really as far as anything worthy of narration goes. I suppose one day I might crave that kind of stability but I think I want to be at least 35 before my story ends. Ghana, anyone?