Sunday, July 31, 2005

Can't write what I intend to. Rambling interferes.

This post will probably be very long because I'm trying to sort some things out and the beach full of people despite the midnight hour really wasn't conducive. Nor is this PC bang but at least I should stay more focused. Most of this will involve me trying to decide what I should do about my job and the period up to next March probably. Just be warned that it will probably be depressing or boring.

I'm in Pohang right now. I don't know how I feel about a lot of things. I don't know what to do about anything.

It's my vacation right now. It really doesn't feel like it though. I thought vacations were about relaxing, trying to enjoy yourself, basically escaping work. I'm finding it very hard to not think about work. My self-prescribed method of pretending I had no job didn't really work. I have no idea what I'm going to do. My vacation started on Wednesday. I told my boss I would go help for 2 hours with the move. Then my bike was stolen and I just became very selfish. I had every intention of going until I woke up late with a small headache. It really made me not want to go. I thought about it for several minutes and then decided to say 'screw that' basically. This stolen bike thing really got to me. Plus I didn't feel like having a big discussion as I left after 2 hours or however long I would've stayed. So now, I just get to stress about what is going to happen when work starts again on Wednesday. I'm sure I've completely alienated myself from everyone. I can just imagine going to work with a sea of glares directed at me. Actually, I can't since I don't really know what the school looks like. I know where it is and poked my head in (well tried to) as some people were doing some constuction work on it. I'm sure there will be some discussion maybe about everything. My phone teaching, the fight, lack of control in the classroom, general attitude, the whole gamut. August will be my 5th month. I really wish I didn't have to give 40 days notice. That's way to long to work in an uncomfortable environment. Let's do some math let's say 6 weeks and 5x6 is 30. 30 work days. Yeah, way too long. I really thought I could go until the end of Semptember for a full 6 months. I really don't know though. Maybe the new office will change things. My vacation so far hasn't. I thought I could have a little break and come back feeling refreshed and invigourated. I don't imagine that happening in the next 3 days.

Anyways, on Wednesday, I ended up spending most of the day on my bed. I was waiting for Alex to tell me he was ready to leave and he waited for basically the same thing and we ended up leaving a lot later than either of us had planned. He called me but in my paranoia about work I didn't answer the phone. In any case, I'll take responsibility for the confusion. I really just wanted to get the hell out of Daegu. I hate being in an apartment provided for by my employer. It really just makes it feel like I can never escape my job. Never. I even had thoughts of him coming to my door. I locked my door just in case though he probably has a key. I really don't like feeling like I'm in a slave-master relationship. This little rebellion of mine makes me feel like I'm just in for a bit of punishment. It didn't really empower me like it should've. I'm sure it has to do with the bike. You really can't stay in power long when you become a victim of theft 30 seconds later. Empowered to helpless in half a minute. At any rate finally I did leave my apartment. Got to Alex's place. I took a taxi there. The subway really is faster I think or much better value at least. The taxi seemed no faster. Then we went to the bank. I couldn't get my card to work at one of the machines. I'm used to having only one kind of Daegu Bank screen. Anyways, made me feel more powerless. Got on the train and headed for Busan. We got on the subway and left one station only to find we didn't pay the correct fare. We jumped the turnstyles. Oh, in Busan too, I lost my train ticket and couldn't leave the station. Actually, I could and some guard just let me through. i know I should've had the ticket. I'm the guard just wanted to avoid using English. Sometimes, it's good to be a foreigner. So more feelings of powerlessness. We also got off at the wrong station and walked to the next one. We found the place listed in the Lonely Planet. It was a love motel and there were Vegas style call girl cards outside the door. The 2 of us went in and probably shocked the staff. First of all, we weren't Korean, second we were 2 guys, and third, we wanted the room to sleep. So we got up to the room. There's a double bed and a dresser and table. I shared a bed with another guy but for some reason it didn't feel the least bit weird unlike every other time I've done it. I guess when you deal with odd things happening all day it's hard for anything to really be that weird again. We walked around forever trying to find a decent restaurant in this district that's basically red light but not explicitly so. We found some place. I picked it just because it was Since 1982 and the 2 of us were from that year also. We looked at the menu. I don't know Korean foods really. I just asked for chicken. I got the same thing I had with the middle aged Korean man and his family. It wasn't too bad. I can always eat chicken, well maybe not always. We got quite a few stares in that place. You'd think with Busan being a bigger city than Daegu that they'd be more used to foreigners. I didn't get that impression at all.

Next day we decided to change places. We went over to Gwangalli beach (I think that's the name). We decided to stay at Hotel Hermes. The classiest place on the strip of beach probably. It was quite nice aside from a few things that had little to do with the hotel. Well, I guess room service was problematic and it may or may not have led to Alex's leg scabies. 2 beds in this place. Well first we asked for the price and the 2 at the desk acted like it was the craziest question they'd ever been asked. At first we got 2 rooms but then they figured out that by 2 beds we meant the same room with 2 beds not 2 beds in 2 separate rooms. Anyways, that day seemed rather fine. We went swimming. One guy saw us and ran to pose with us. Again, because we don't look all that Asian. He was in his 20s too. How could you be so fascinated by us? Alex wonders if the photos will lead to some embellished stories. Not hard to embellish, I saw these 2 guys walk down the beach. That photo really would require embellishment, I think. I would find it to be very dull. By night though, it was a little depressing. We tried to find some place to eat. Nowhere looked good. They all looked like the standard Korean restaurants. Some drunk wanted money and had to pushed away so he would finally leave. We ate at some place and continued to get drunk really. Both of us kind of thought that with most of Korea being on vacation these 2 weeks that it would be really easy to meet people. We met no one. We bought some whisky and in my drunken haze bananas were what I wanted. Well more than a haze really. We went back to the room and tried to order a pizza. This was one of the more memorable moments. I asked to order a pizza, well I asked for a pepperoni pizza because I figured it would be easy even if it wasn't on the menu. Nope, only Oriental pizza. What about the pizzas on the room service menu? Well, if we wanted those we had to go to the 19th floor. Though they can be made on the 19th floor they have some kind of tracking device that will not let them go down stairs or elevators. Ok, what's on the Oriental pizza? We never got an answer to this one. All I know is no roadhouse pizza, and no New Orleans pizza. Anyways, time passes as I replay all the ways to make sure I understand that the only pizza we can get from room service is the Oriental pizza with mystery toppings that is not on the menu and none of those on the menu can be ordered. So after this, I talk to a different woman. She says we can have something similar to pepperoni pizza. Great. 5 minutes later there is a telephone call. No, we can't have that pizza. What about the oriental pizza? That somehow disappeared as an option altogether as did the pizzas on the 19th floor. We have a menu so I ask what there is left to order that we can have. Ham sandwich or ham and cheese. I'm really amazed we got something resembling ham and cheese sandwiches. This probably isn't even interesting but due to our rather dull weekend it was very amusing and they were 7000 won. Things that make you go hmmmm...... (funny to one lone soul....possibly).

Next day we got up pretty late. Well not really. I woke up at seven due to my new found ability to sleep only after heavy intoxication. I tried so hard to fall back asleep but 4-5 hours of drunken sleep regardless of bed comfort, temperature, or noise (all of which were ideal) was all I would get. So 4 hours later I went downstairs and got a massage. That was thoroughly bizarre and basically involved me naked on a table in the corner of a big room with people going in and out. Sometimes a towel covered me and sometimes it didn't. At one point a man wearing only tiny shorts was sitting on the back of my legs while I was covered by just the smallest of towels and he was trying to pop my back at every single vertebra. I think only one of them popped and I'm not even sure that it did. I think he must've been frustrated and I don't know if the fact that he couldn't make it pop is good or bad. Anyways, that was weird but I felt relaxed afterward though maybe somewhat violated.

Anyways, then we went to Haeundae Beach. The most famous beach in all of Korea which last weekend hosted 800,000 people. That's not a typo 0.8 million. At least, according to my source who I tend to trust. It was rainy the whole weekend so the beach wasn't really the best place to go. We got some stupid straw cowboy hats and went to the casino. We actually both ended up winning. I doubled my 10,000 on video poker and then won maybe 30 or 40,000 won on blackjack. Alex was ahead by 10,000 only when we left. Pretty good though. Then we went to eat and some Thai place. How the bill ended up being 77,000 between us both I'll never understand. The chicken was too spicy hence my note about usually, almost always really. I ate about half of it. Anyways, then we went back to the casino where Alex proceeded to lose 50,000. I was up and felt pretty good and decided to bet 25,000 on one hand. The minimum was 10,000 and I think I played 20,000 maybe twice. Anyways, so I knew that would be my last hand no matter what. My first card was a jack and I felt pretty good about it. And then the second one came. An ace. Wow! I got a blackjack. Then the dealer had an ace and then I completely confused as all the players at the table turned to me to ask me what I wanted to do. I didn't know what was going on. It was all about insurance and I knew I didn't want any so I shook my head but then they thought that I wanted to stay on 21 or something and that I hadn't answered what they asked me. Anyways, it was all rather confusing but I ended up winning 110,000. A small amount really but exciting none the less. Enough to pay for our second night at the Hermes. On the way back we almost got in an accident and then we walked up and down the beach several times feeling lonely. My joy at winning was very short-lived actually. I think I'm happier about it now than I was then though I was just now more depressed than I was last night, if that makes any sense. Probably not.

So anyways, we were quite down on Korea since aside from the beach and casino, Busan seemed exactly the same as Daegu. The people were the same too really. We decided to go to the 19th floor to see if we could get pizza there. We could and it was awful. Well really not worth the extra long wait or all the confusion from the day before. We also had some Guinness which was quite good but quite expensive. At least Alex got a glass for it. We also had to sit next to some drunk man and his angry wife. It was really quite strange that we got more negative/unwanted attention in Busan and less of the attention we wanted. We got a lot more stares for some reason and some kid on the subway just today made some motion to his friend about how hairy my legs were. I totally called him on and looked him straight in the eye and rubbed my hairy legs while making ooh and aah faces. I don't think it had the desire effect though as he just continued though I had done nothing. Anyways, I wasn't sad to leave Busan today. They have this noise at the station though that sounded like a noise in some tapes I have to play at school. It made me so ill at ease. I really don't know what to do about work.

I got home. It turns out that I had left my lights on the whole time. I don't know why I would've had the lights on when I left at 4 on Wednesday. I was a bit suspicious that someone had been to my apartment. Maybe I did leave them on. Anyways, my room was as hot as ever. I tried to decide what I should do with the rest of my holiday that I now had to spend alone. I thought maybe I would go to Seoul and try to have some fun. Trying to have fun though doesn't seem to work though. It's all about the expectations. Had we assumed we'd have rather dull experiences in Busan it would've been fine. Had we expected it to really be no different from Daegu, it would've been fine. Instead we come back feeling a little defeated at our lack of success. I didn't even get to have a decent night's sleep. The next morning might have been fine except that some Creed song blared from across the beach up to our 9th story window. God was it loud. Why do you need to test speakers at 9am? How loud can we really get these speakers? Anyways, I decided that I wasn't going to stay in Daegu for another few days and I wasn't going to go to Seoul since I doubted I would have much fun. I decided I would go to Donghae and try to go to a remote a town as possible and decide when to quit my job or possibly to just keep it for the sake of convenience. It's all about timing really. Maybe I will just save it for tomorrow night since I probably won't be doing anything. This is what I do when I travel by myself. Spend the day looking around, after nightfall I eat, and then I go to an internet cafe until I think it's late enough to go to bed.

I went to 3 stations and finally got to the one selling tickets to Donghae. They were all sold out so I just picked some other city on the coast. I could go there but I'd need to transfer in Pohang which is why I'm here. I actually met a nice woman on the bus. We had a strange little conversation full of broken English and broken Korean. I wonder if we both took the same things from the conversation. Unlikely. Anyways, she told me to go to Bukbu beach and that's where I am. They were having some kind of music festival and fireworks. Anyways, the music wasn't good and I missed the fireworks mostly while looking for food on the otherside of tall buildings that separated me from the sea. I think Bukbu beach is actually the best beach I've been to in Korea. I'm a fan on the finer sand is what it comes down to really. The bridge at Gwangalli beach really made it feel industrial but I would have to say that it is nothing compared to the steel mill across the little bay. It looks kind of nice at night in that spooky kind of futuristic way. I remember I had a dream once about living in refinery. It's something about those tiny columns covered in lights. It makes me think of some dirty polluted castle. I really just wanted to walk along the beach alone with my thoughts. It really is amazing though how sometimes more people can just make you feel much more alone. The beach is too crowded so I will probably leave tomorrow and go to the city that the woman told me was only known for lobsters. It's not even mentioned in the Lonely Planet(I have issues with this being like the unofficial guide of everyplace but that's another story) aside from being on the map. We'll see how that turns out.

I'm surprised the direction that this entry took. I thought it would be a lot whinier than it ended up being. Maybe I should just stick to descriptive things about the past rather than contemplate about the future or maybe I'm just delaying having to come a decision about what to do. Maybe I will just change the opening or delete it rather. I don't know why I write like this. It's much too stream of consciousness. I don't know whether I like people knowing how I think. It's really rather indecisive isn't it. I don't really weigh pros and cons either. I try too but basically I just think about something for a bit and then choose something impulsively really because I'm tired of thinking about it. I guess I'll leave it up. It's just easier. The title I might change, the current title is :This will likely be long. Vacation/Work stuff again. I'm a bit proud of my titles. They are usually good. More interesting than the content at any rate.

Let's see 2 more things. So the woman on the bus made me realize that it's really not that I dislike Koreans at all. I actually find them nice on an individual level most of the time. It just really doesn't make me feel any less alienated from their society. Of course, right after they got off I couldn't find my ticket and had to pay the fare again (only 6000 but still) and of course within 2 seconds of looking off the bus I find it. That kind of made me doubt my newfound optimism of Korean people. He wasn't very nice to me, as if he knew the whole time that I didn't have a ticket and had snuck aboard or something. I really wanted to show him that I did have a ticket and my desperate searching hadn't all been an act. Anyways, I went to a restaurant tonight and the chef and waitress were really quite nice so maybe these won't be a couple days spent wallowing in self-pity and serious self reflection. I'd think I'd better stick to these lowered expectations though so when I came in here to write I was feeling quite depressed about everything. Maybe I just needed to tell Cal-Mo-Dee how I was feeling or whoever you are if you are reading this. Now I just need to think of a different title and go to bed.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005



So here's a picture I took back in mid-February I think. It makes me feel very artisic. I went horseback riding on the island of Chiloe in Chile at dawn along the beach. That sounds so much cooler now. Pictures really spice things up I think. It's to help me realize that my vacation has started.

A Canadian Dokdo

Territorial disputes are just stupid. Especially when the land in question is barren and inhospitable to life. Korea and Japan are fighting over 2 rocks in the middle of the Sea of Japan or the East Sea as Korea calls it. They are worthless rocks. There's really nothing you could even do with them except do a victory dance on them or something. It's thoroughly ridiculous.

The Canadian land dispute is even more ridiculous. Canada and Denmark are locked in a battle over a tiny rocky barren little island in the Arctic. You would really think that two countries as rational as Canada and Denmark would realize what a silly little battle it was especially since the two countries don't have any bad history (that I'm aware of at least). I guess both Canada and Greenland need yet another barren, frozen piece of rock. Both countries have more than they know what to do with. It's all about potential I guess. Here's an article about it that I read today:

Hans Island

Why can't it just become a dual protectorate or something? I think there's some Caribbean Island that is owned by the Netherlands (St. Maartan's) and France (St. Martin). At least a Caribbean island is something worth fighting over. They should really just do that and let it become some symbol of Canada-Denmark relations or the unity of the Inuit people rather than a symbol of greed and stupidity. At least it's not as heated as Dokdo.

Also, despite being so angry yesterday, I'm feeling okay about everything today. I ordered a pizza and took it downtown and ate it outside of Starbucks with Alex. Then we went out and had several pitchers of beer. At least 3. I told my boss I would actually go help out with the move today but only for a couple hours. Anyways, I didn't feel like going. It's my first day of vacation, I'm not obligated to go. My phone rang around 10:15 today. I wonder who it could've been. I bet Jupiter got Amy to call me. I would've been more pleasant with her. The VP should at least be at the school setting things up. It really isn't fair to the other teachers that I didn't go but ultimately, it was unfair of Jupiter to demand everyone go. That's an injustice committed by Jupiter not me. If they don't mind being taken advantage of that's fine. I really wonder what will happen when I go back to work on Wednesday. I wonder where the new little lecture room will be. I'm sure I'll get something about my attitude, not being a team player, etc. I couldn't care less really. I'm sure I've alienated myself from the other teachers but I doubt it would really make my work environment much less pleasant. I posted something online at Dave's. I feel totally vindicated. I don't feel the least bit bad about what I did. I don't even mind if I'm fired over the whole thing. I can go over to that Prisoner of Wonderland site. Fired for not going to work on a vacation day that is guaranteed to me under my contract. That's just about ridiculous enough to happen actually. I will probably totally get the staredown from the other teachers and everyone. I've never felt more like a rebel. I actually hope they do lecture me and then I can just tell them how ridiculous the whole thing is. It would probably scare them if they realized they couldn't control me. I really can't imagine myself being the loose canon at work but I really think I must be now. That's completely unexpected. Korea will definitely change me more than Denmark or the US ever did.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I am so fucking mad!

Someone fucking stole my bike today. My shitty $80 bike. Why would some go through the fucking trouble to steal such a shitty bike? I was paranoid that someone might steal it just because that's something that would probably happen to me. No worries, I thought. Who would steal the cheapest fucking bike at Lespo? Aren't there any fucking better bikes you could nab? Mine looked absolutely no different from any of the other bikes except that maybe it was a bit shinier. I used my shitty lock from Lespo because I didn't figure anyone would fucking steal my piece of shit bike. Really, why should the lock be worth like 20% of the value of the bike. I cannot fucking believe someone would take it.

I don't even care about the freaking bike. I feel like someone just chained me somewhere. I loved my piece of shit bike. I haven't even had it a week. Fucking 4 days. The last day at the school too. God, what an asshole. I can't remember the last time I was this fucking angry and that's really saying a lot considering how generally pissed I've been lately. That bike just made me feel so free. I didn't have to walk 15 minutes through dark alleyways, dirty streets, and garbage. I could just hop on my bike and roll down the slight incline and be home in 5 minutes. Who the fuck would do this? 80 fucking dollars. I wonder what he really thought he could sell it for. Fucking retard.

This has to come like 2 minutes after I fucking told my boss that I wouldn't help with the move tomorrow. It's my god damn vacation. I'm not a mover. I'm not a fucking cleaner. I told him I would set up my workstation and whatever and stay 2 hours at the most. I could tell he was upset and whatever. I just wanted to leave so I said Fuck It. 2 hours. I'll be out of there by noon. If they make a big deal of my leaving early tomorrow. I'm just going to fucking resign. So yeah. He said all teachers had to come. There's absolutely no fucking way he could make me stay. There's some clause in there about occasional Saturdays and Sundays. I've had 2 in 4 months. I hate that but I just have to deal with it. This though. I'm fucking entitled to 5 days of vacation. Bad enough it's from a Wednesday to Tuesday but I'm not fucking going to taken advantage of like that. I couldn't really care less whether the other people just want to let him use them like that. Hire people you fucker. Just because I signed a shitty contract doesn't entitle you to tell me to come in on my fucking vacation day. So I felt kind of liberated right and then it was all just gone. Why the fuck!!

I feel like just going to report it to the police to fucking say that crime does happen here. It would be such a hassle though. I really fucking hope someone didn't take it because I wasn't Korean. I really am kind of suspicious that it was something personal though because who the fuck steals the shittiest bike from the shittiest place to buy bikes. I feel so much less free than I ever have before. Nice way to start my fucking vacation. Fucking retard.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Random thoughts / I'm so confused

I was reading my Economist magazine today. For some reason, I was just struck by the amount of problems in the world. You'd think there would be some kind of limit to the world's problems. Let's list off the themes of the articles (I'm going to skip the business ones I think, interests rates aren't the kinds of problems I meant):

Terrorism
Corruption
Historical arguments
North Korea
Abuse
Drug Trade
Pollution
Israel and Palestine
AIDS
Apartheid
Poverty
Income Inequality
Racial profiling
Global warming
Religion v. Science
Territorial Disputes
War

So that's my quick list of the world's problems this week. I'm in a weird kind of mood. I went out last night and just feel like lying on my bed today. It's funny though how all the problems seem kind of connected. Why do racial and religious differences lead to war and disputes? Why do poor nations seem to be linked to corruption, AIDS, and drugs? So I was thinking whether the world would be better if it were more apathetic or more concerned. I decided both. Apathy is probably better in terms of things like religion, resources, and territorial disputes. Greed and self-righteousness really are horrible traits. I guess anything to do with any kind of dispute. If people didn't care enough to hate, there would be so fewer problems. Then, some things really won't solve themselves. AIDS and poverty in Africa for instance or pollution. Really those are problems that exist because of too much apathy. It's so easy to forget about poverty when you're in your lovely condo deciding which art print to hang on the wall. There was some line in Collateral. Tom Cruise was a hit man and Jamie Foxx was driving him around. Foxx realized that Cruise was killing people and Cruise said "why do you care? thousands of people die everyday in Africa from conflict, starvation, disease, etc. this is one guy and he had it coming." Or something to that effect. I wonder if proximity is the only thing that makes people less indifferent. Is it because that's the only thing that makes it real? There could be a rapist on the only side of the city and the people's reaction is just 'oh, that's terrible' but if it's their side of the city their attitude is completely different. It's unfortunate really that that is the only way to make people care. Have it personally affect them. Then again, if everyone had strong opinions about Israel the world would be divided into Pro-Israel and Pro-Palestine. I don't know. Maybe it's the likelihood of successful action that make people respond. You can eridicate small pox and polio (almost, I think) but AIDS will just continue to spread because of poverty, stigma, and religious dogma. I still don't understand the evils of birth control. The Catholic Church could do such positive things in places where religion still plays a role in people's lives. Instead they adhere to old doctrine that's outdated. I'm being so political today. I wonder why that is. I'm really kind of being a hypocrite anyway. I don't really do anything to solve the world's problems. I do my best to recycle.

I was also wondering about evil today. I've never believed in evil, well evil acts maybe, not evil people. I was watching "Ninjai: The Little Ninja" today. Evil can exist in a fictional setting. Then I was reading about Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. "The Jordanian-born Mr Zarqawi, who swears allegiance to Osama bin Laden, is held responsible for some of the most brutal violence in Iraq. The suicide bombings, the kidnapping and beheading of hostages...." It just made me think of the villain in Ninjai. I could never imagine myself beheading someone or ordering someone to do. What kind of person is this? Is it really possible for a man to commit such evil acts just out of sheer hate and powerlust?

My other naked bed lying thoughts involved my life. I have no idea where it is going. I have a secret plan, well maybe not so secret, to go to Australia once I finish my stint in Korea. I plan on travelling only by land and sea. I'm sure there must be ferries between Papua New Guinea and Darwin or some kind of sea route between the continent and some Indonesian island. Anyways, that's how I plan to see as much of the world as possible. Plus it would be so strange to arrive in a western country without having left the ground. Sometimes, I feel like I'm reborn each time I go on a plane. Especially, when I'm travelling alone and between places that have no connection to any other part of my life. Like when I was living in Corpus Christi and travelling to and from Edmonton. No one in Texas knows anyone in Alberta. Well, I guess they met my parents. It's always weird when my parents enter any of my non-Edmonton lives. I have a hard time with out-of-sight out-of-mind problems. I'm very good at compartmentalizing and it's just odd when I realize that these compartments neighbour other ones. I wonder if my life is just a small series of smaller lives. Mind you most of my lives are now dead. My Newfoundland life, my Denmark life, my London life, my Texas life are all dead really. There are ghosts of them but for all intensive purposes they will never exist again. Unfortunate, I really liked my Denmark life. I think it died May 29th, 2003 when I hopped on a plane and was reborn in London. Then my London life died on July 12th and I lived my Edmonton life for about 10 hours mostly spent sleeping and resumed my Texas life the next day. I was on so many planes those 2 days. I guess airports are pretty much like limbo. Appropriate really since it really is a lot like limbo. Well, when transferring planes especially. It's a place you never plan to go and just walk around waiting for another flight and everyone there is exactly the same. It's really funny how airports are always full of people but they will never be the same people aside from the staff. Sometimes, I wonder how it is that all our lives have led us to this point in time, to all be in the same place at one time but then never again. Even on the subway, I think that. Maybe this girl had just missed the last train or what made this guy come at this precise moment. Coincidence and whatever has led us all to be here and now we'll just sit and ignore everyone and never be together again. It really is all meaningless but sometimes I pretend it's not. I can only do that with transportation. It's so random and no one is going to the same place. Even cars on the street I do that. I was sitting in the back seat at a stoplight and there was a car next to us. Could you have ever just picked me and the people in the other car and predicted that our paths would cross this way? I think there was some movie like that or maybe I just thought of what a weird movie it would be. Two people living seperate lives and the whole story they don't know each other but you feel like they are somehow destined to be together and at the end of the movie they walk down the sidewalk in opposite directions and just pass each other without speaking. Maybe it's a book or something. Quite anticlimactic but probably very realistic aside from the destiny thing.

That kind of got off topic. Anyways, so Australia by land and sea. I have no goals in life maybe that's my problem aside from wanderlust. Anyways, my Edmonton life is in a coma. I don't know whether it will ever wake up. Probably not. I don't feel like I have a home anymore. I feels a lot more like visiting when I go 'home.' My parents change of address probably has a lot to do with that. Anyways, my goal after Australia was to head over to the UK or Sweden by land and sea again. I wonder how expensive it is to travel through Kazakstan. Then I was going to go to grad school in York. Now I don't know. Maybe I will just end up as a drifter. Travel around Sydney to Stockholm, Cairo to Cape town. I wonder how long I'd be able to do this. Maybe work illegally in a few countries (would it really matter if I were deported) if I needed some money or felt like staying a few months. The only problem I could think of would be long term things. I have no clue what to do with myself. This guy I know is 20 and about to start law school in the fall. I can't imagine resigning myself to one career for more than 1 year, let alone a lifetime. Would my life be better if I could? Maybe I'll be a vagabond until 30 and then make some decisions. 30 year olds can be broke and still survive after 65 right?

Saturday, July 23, 2005

I slept

I'm awake now. I should probably still be trying to sleep but it's an exercise in futility really. 35 degrees in my apartment. That's right, slightly hotter than freezing for all you Fahrenheit thinkers. I just read what I wrote last night. It was pretty impressed with my drunken typing skills. A few mistakes but it was so clear and understandable. I thought it would be completely garbled and beyond comprenhension even for those who correct journals for kids who barely speak English. They are tricky to read. I have one kid who always throws in random A's. I went a to a grandmother a home. I wonder if it's uh's that he's trying to use. I wonder how many times I say Uh during the day. Probably a lot more than I think I do. It's better than the Russian version. They bring their chin down so that they have no neck and made an mmmm sound from the back of the throat. Maybe that was just the tour guide who did that. That was a strange trip to Moscow. Our tour guide pointed out every McDonald's to us. Do non-Westerners think that we are just uber-in love with McDonald's and can't get enough? The golden arches are embarrassing but I imagine some people think that must be the only place we eat. What was I writing about again. Let's see how many digressions I made. My typing to diary entries to the Uh sound to the Russian mmm sound to McDonald's. Sounds about right.

So I edited out something I wrote last night. I warned you I would do it. Now, you'll just have to wonder what it was about. It was nothing any more or less interesting than you'd read here. It only mattered to one person really. I admitted something that she probably already knows but it would be better if I never say anything. Does that make it as obvious as I think it does? I thought about leaving it up since it entertained me slightly and she probably never reads this. It's gone now and you'll just have to wonder.

Oh one of my comments about something wouldn't make sense. My one little stumble in my drunken typing spree. I did a search for myself. I googled my blog name. It turned up on some website about the marketability of a website. toothpaste for dinner. I guess some of you have clicked that link. I have potential to bring B$611 to the website if it were profit based. I think B$ are blog dollars. Anyways, I was number 96 on the list or something. Now, I'm not even in the top 100 not that I had far to fall. I looked at a cached version. I felt a bit proud about it. Well, not after realizing that I'm no longer in the top 100. I always imagine that no one reads this. No one does really but all of the sudden a few people click a link and my blog name appears on a list. Strange. Number 1 had B$23,000.

Let's see, there's nothing more of interest to write. I really wonder if I'll be able to sleep under covers with clothes on again though. Why don't I have AC? Should I try and see if I can go back to sleep? Ok.

So right now I am completely wasted, yet I am checking my grammar and spelling much more than I usually do.Why is it that one eye is more effective than 2 in such circumstances?

So tonight I ate half a pizza and then went downtown.I had 2-3 Last Man Standing. I guess it was 3.Then Gypsy rock or maybe some other place. I think it was some other place. I had a Singapore Sling. Ayways, I like Singapore. My aunt is from Singapore. I was there when I was a wee fetus. Seriously, I went to Singapore and Hawaii when my mom was 6 months pregnant. Anyways, I went to Hawaii once in the year 2000. Let's pretend you watch Conan O'Brien and can remember that voice.. I had a good time. I could only imagine that I'd have eqaually as good a time as I did in Hawaii. Sometimes, I feel like I am dead inside and that maybe Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco and that I mine was left in Singapore. At six months, your heart beats on its own........I think. That;s probably all just some superstitious fetus thing. I should go back there though. My aunt's sister still lives there I think and I always think of doughnuts covered in icing sugar when I think of her. It's been like over 10 years, 15 maybe but still the memory lingers. So anyways, I'm like 1/4 asian through marriage. How special am I? My cousins Keshia Jade and Tatalia Ying and the last name we share. My father had only brothers. So anyways, my last name name mean Swamp dweller basically in a much more poetic way. King of the swamp dwelling people perhaps. Or something sexual if you want. It's not the best last name in the world. I don't mind it anymore. Anyways, it's a compound word. 8 letters. Swamp king. It's of Scottish or Northern Irish origin let's see if you can guess it.Remember the sexual reference and you may get it right.Comment if you want.

I was thinking of maybe including a link to people who comment to me. I was listed as number 96 or something on my link to "toothpaste for dinner."How strange. Yet, I am no longer in the top 100. I feel like I should crack the top 100 again. Why am I writing. I should be sleeping.

Two full days off this weekend. What a lucky bastard I am?

Someone gave me a bracelet and it says BRITISH AMERICAN TOBACCO. Who gave me this?Anyways, I' drunk. Maybe you enjoyed this and maybe you didn't.

Bedtime methinks. Adios a todos. Voy a dormir.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Swimming, bikes, and some phone teaching

My day was a bit of a valley today. It started out okay I guess. I went swimming with all the kindergarten kids. It was really kind of strange. We have new busses at school I guess. We watched a video on the way to the pool. Or rather, I watched a video. It was Shrek 2 but it was in English and they forgot to put on the subtitles until halfway through. I usually object to dubbing but kids movies and cartoons I think, it's acceptable to dub. Especially the ones for kids. I don't know how well they can read Korean but probably not fast enough to keep up. They laughed at the physical comedy. They also all brought little inner tubes with them. We got to the pool and it turns out they weren't allowed or something. They don't tell us anything but the fact that they found some sticks and propped them upright and stacked tubes with them gave me some clues. Of course, it could be some bizarre Korean custom. Bring a tube and keep it outside the pool and it will keep you from drowning. You'd think they'd have called the pool or something before they bring 40 kids with tubes. The swimming part was alright. I realized that Erica doesn't trust me. I nominated her for student of the month today. The pool was only 3 feet deep or so, too. I could sit on the floor and still have my shoulders above the water, well about water level.

Then after swimming, we had to get changed. This isn't something I'd normally write about but I don't really know you people. I don't think people I know read this. Then again, maybe some of them do and just don't tell me they do. Anyways, Korea is very pro-same sex nudity. There's like nowhere to hide even if you wanted to. They also use towels that are about the size of a tea towel. I'm not sure if that's a Canadian thing or not, the dish drying towel. Maybe I just haven't heard people refer to it outside of Canada. Perhaps, it's only my parents that call it that. Nevermind, so I saw like 20 naked kindergarten kids. A few of them saw me, which is kind of....I'm not sure how I feel about it exactly. Anyways, one of my students grabbed 'it.' Can't get more obvious than 'it' right? So yeah, I was groped or molested even by a 5-7 year old. I don't know how to tell in Korea. Subtract one or 2 years. In January, you can pretty much subtract 2 but December only 1. Anyways, after that I tried to conceal myself as much as possible. I had my big towel and fashioned into what they called a skirt. Then they tried to rip it away from me. I was also pretty much useless. I really did nothing to help any of them get dressed. I helped the same kid who grabbed at me get his leg through the hole in his Winnie the Pooh underpants. What an odd experience. Matt undertook the majority of them. I had maybe 4(are these Freudian typos? I wrote hate. I'm back to edit that). My 3 and another one who feels like he knows me since I teach his 2 older brothers. His foreign teacher is Renee who needless to say is not a boy. I don't know whether he was manhandled at all. I don't think I'll ask. Our boss was there too. Fully-dressed helping kids and some guy from the pool. I was pretty useless though. I helped the one kid with what I told you about and asked one if these were his shoes. The answer was yes. I was fine helping them with shoes. Actually, I'm pretty useless in any situation with self-delegated tasks. I'm also much better at living in Dutch society. It's not that I want someone else to pay for anything but by the time I usually think to pull out my wallet the bill has already been settled.

Then, I got back to the school to enjoy my hour and 30 minutes. I did some evaluations and was pretty slow about it. I like having my desk against the wall. I write with my head leaning on it. I enjoy my location in the office. I don't have to worry about people walking past my desk, except to leave but there's enough room for the door. I just have to deal with kids poking me from the door. I remember growing up that the teacher's lounge was like the one forbidden place in the school. Not in Korea. They run in and out of there all the time. I listened to music and felt retarded. I was reading some science manual written in English by a Korean. You can always tell. Anyways, I couldn't make sense of the directions. It was a combination of strange wording and my lack of mental energy. I had to read it like 10 times. Then I did science with 2 classes back to back. The first got bored with it after 10 minutes. The second class really loved it. It was just a piece of foil wrapped around a cylinder. It was about reflections in a curved mirror. Andrew (different from kindie Andrew) just loved it. They kept saying Bravo and trying to tell me things. They love the phrase "this and this and this" as they either draw or mime. It was kind of fun just being around energy of people who get so excited about shiny things wrapped around tubes. Usually, I just stand up there and yell. Science class though I let them do pretty much anything as long as they fill in the lab report that takes 20 seconds to do. Plus after a field trip I don't have energy to yell. My Nobel class went fine today I guess. They were still loud but this time it was all good humoured. Usually, there's some kind of fight. Kipper gets upset when I write his name on the board but not others. I've really got to become less subjective about it. I don't like doing it but it's got to be done I suppose. It's hard though when the next strike puts them in the corner and they said one Korean word. Anyways, today instead of being a pain about it, he decided to go crazy. Making weird faces and all. The others thought it was funny. So no fights and I yelled less. It's really hard to get them back to work once everyone's been laughing. Then I need to bring out my angry voice and strike others, well on the board. You know what I mean. I've never had the temptation to actually do that. Then I had Columbia and got to go home. There were only 2 of them. They would hate when I would ask about their weekends. I found better ways to get them speaking. Their answers would be so deliberately dull. "3 things." "I ate, I slept, and (struggle with the 3rd)....I stayed at home or something else completely useless." Maybe it was because Wendy, the ringleader was absent. I enjoyed that class today and got to come home early. 7:20. Sha-zaah. We played Guess Who for the last 15 minutes. I don't know why they can't use the word blonde. I was a little peeved that I still had to explain that blonde meant 'yellow hair' for the 5th time. Facial hair was equally funny. They called it special face. 'Does he have special face?' as they stroked their chins and cheeks.

Moving on. On my home I impulsively decided to buy a bike. Actually, I'd been thinking about buying a bike for awhile but suddenly today was the day I would act. I went into the place that I walk by slowly to check out prices. Lespo. There all over the place. I can think of 3 that are less than ten minutes away on foot and I don't really live in a commercial area not that any part of the city is that uncommercial. Anyways, the first bikes were like 165,000 or 210,000 won. Then I found the crappy ones they kept at the back. I bought a new bike for 80,000 which included a free lock and a free little vitamin drink that I got to enjoy as they got the bike ready for me. Then I went riding for about 30 minutes. I actually don't know how long it was. I rode past Daegok station even (the last subway stop), not that far though considering I'm 3 from the end. It felt nice. I was so speedy and the breeze felt nice. I rode to the new school location. It only took me about 3 minutes. 1 of the minutes spent at the crosswalk. I hate the crosswalks here. They take forever to change and seem to have some time-out on the green. It stops after 15 seconds or something even if the traffic continues for another minute. I don't get it. I rode back a different way avoiding to light. I was a bit worried I'd be hit by someone. Some many little alleys and I slowed down at all of them. Anyways, I felt so free that what used to be like a 10 minute walk takes no time at all now. If I want something, I can just go to E-Mart without contemplating it. Soon of course, a 4 minute ride will seem like a long time. It was nice to see a different part of town. I only go to the same places now. To and from school and the weekend trip downtown. It was liberating. I wonder how long it will take me to get to school now. For all 3-4 days that I have left there. Well, I probably shouldn't take my bike on moving day. I can walk one last time. I might never see that area again. Matt and Renee live over there but I've been to there place like 3 times maybe over the last 3 months. I don't know why they don't want to move. They've convinced themselves that 4 months is no time at all.

So phone teaching week was last week but I called a few of the kids I didn't call last week. I had nice little conversations with all five of them. With some of them I just call to hear myself speak and answer the questions for them when they aren't quick enough. Well multiple choice style. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "....pause....uhhh....uhhh....." "Do you want to be a doctor, a musician, a teacher? What do you want to be?" Teacher. Ok. I did find out that in that one class that 3 out of 4 wouldn't be coming to school tomorrow. One was a maybe. Of course, I think I used school instead of Wonderland once. They have summer vacation (1 whole month) from their elementary schools. Some of them are going to skip out on their hagwons that much too. My boss complained about on the drive to my apartment yesterday, A ride home without a hidden agenda (except to make me feel more comfortable at work or maybe he lost his courage to bring up whatever it was he wanted to take about), imagine that? Then I called Bin, whose English name is Robert, he's such a Bin though. I talked to him for like 2 minutes then asked something about his sister who is in my Columbia class. Anyways, suddenly Sandy was on the phone. I talked to her for about 10 minutes or something. It turns out that David, the kid I don't like, thinks I'm just so goodlooking. Like a moviestar. It's a common compliment here. He says I look like Tom Cruise. Similar hair colours and we're twins. Actually, it's not that similar at all. Sometimes, I wonder if they can tell us about at all. Not that I'm that adept at distinguishing between Asians I see on the street. If I only meet them once, I might not be able to recognize them if I saw them again. I don't think they all like Lucy Liu or Jackie Chan though or one of the other 5 Asian celebrities. Let's see who I can name off the top of my head: Jet Li, Chow Yun Phat (however you spell that, I'm not looking it up), Connie Chung, Judge Ito, David Suzuki(Cdn Environmentalist, I may or may not have seen him in Banff once), Xiang Xi (also don't know spelling), Michelle Yeoh, that one Korean who pops up in a lot of sitcoms, Karate Kid guy, Tia Carrere (though she's not really typical Chinese looking), the guy who played her dad in Wayne's World (you don't know his name either), Bruce Lee, Sandra O or Oh. I'm sure there are several other obvious ones that I can't think of. Anyways, phone teaching didn't go too badly. I really hope none of them show up tomorrow. It would feel so nice to leave work before 7:20 one day. Even 7:20 is great. 8 isn't that late but 6 classes back to back is too much to take at times. 5 is such a relief. I'm sure there'll be one kid who shows up and it will be in the class I teach during the second block. I wonder what it would be like if no one in either class signed up for August. I would be paid exactly the same too. I shouldn't get my hopes though.

I was also feeling more active than usual I guess after my bike ride. Usually, I feel like I should already be at the 3rd floor when I get to the 2nd but today I kept right on walking. This doesn't look like the 3rd floor. I guess there's a penthouse or something on the floor above mine. Then I climbed another flight just because the stairs were there and I was in a Magellan mood. Anyways, I ended up on the roof. Another liberating moment in a way. Just some plants and lines for hanging laundry. I walked under them as if they were electrified. I don't know why. I should go up there during the daytime. Sometimes I feel boxed in by the buildings and I never get a good view of anything. My buildings maybe one floor above the ones in front of it. I didn't realize how unparallel my street was to the main road before. So that's why there's no shortcut to the subway station when I'm coming from work. So that was my thrilling discovery of the day.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Phone teaching is such a joy

I was really going to try to be less negative but things keep popping up that make it really difficult. If you don't want to hear me bitch about work, then I advise you to stop reading where you come across this symbol **********. Not really one symbol but I'm sure you're intelligent enough to understand.

I woke up today at about 5. Surprise, surprise. I'm going to have to ask for AC I think. Anyways, that part wasn't so bad. I got up early and took my time getting ready in the morning. Usually, I have to rush to do everything and leave a few minutes after I should've. I'm supposed to be at work 30 minutes before my first class. I'm pushing it to 25 and 20 these days. I can't believe I used to show up 45 minutes ahead. It's not as bad as it sounds though. At most I have 2 classes in the morning so I still have time to prepare and relax for a few minutes.*************** Anyways, during my break this morning, when I was prepping for my afternoon classes, Amy informed me that Alex's mom (Alex, one of my students) had complained that I had not called for several months. Well monthces.Usually I wouldn't make fun of her but I've had unpleasantness with her today. I've only worked here for several months. I know I've talked to Alex every single month. I called him last week but he wasn't home. I hadn't gotten around to calling him again until tonight. She told me like 3 times to make sure I called him tonight. She told Alex's mom, I would be calling at 8:15. Anyways, I get home tonight around 8:20. I called. No answer. I called 3 times between 8:20 and 9:30. No answer. She had better not complain that I didn't call tomorrow. Why put up a stink about it and then bother to be home when you know I'm going to call. Maybe Amy didn't tell her.

That's not the worst part though. I was complaining about it to Renee. Oh wait, there was another part I was complaining about too. This part is on me really. There's a new boy in one of my classes. I figured I would skip him this month since my phone teaching plan is based on last month's lessons because I have to prepare it like 4 weeks in advance for some stupid monthly newsletter. I'm sounding pretty bitter aren't I? Anyways, Mia asked if I'd called the new boy (my Korean partner teacher for this class), I admitted I hadn't. I was more upset about being caught trying to get away with a small thing I guess. Anyways, I was complaining to Renee about the demanding/un-informed (with a hyphen since I accidently spelled uniformed) mother, having to do another student this month, and the futility of the whole phone teaching exercise. I understand the commercial value of it but really, what is your kid going to learn in a 3-5 minute conversation had once a month? I guess I wasn't talking low enough. It really wasn't anything that I wouldn't have minded them overhearing. I wouldn't have brought it up but if they asked my opinion I probably would've told them the same things, in a more subtle, much more polite way but still. Anyways, Amy like mid-conversation asked to talk to me about my phone teaching schedule. She brought me into the little conference window room. She brought out some schedule, I have never seen before, never even heard of before and asked why I was following it. 'You are supposed to be calling Nobel class on Wednesdays. Why haven't you called 2 of the students in this class?' I knew I'd called that class. I explained that I had called them on Thursday. I didn't have one of their numbers (because I figured I could get away with it for just this reason) and the other one wasn't home and I know, I am 100% positive or in a Maury Povich way 500% sure that I called this kid. Pull up the phone records and you can behead me if I'm wrong. Assuming the phone records are accurate or that they even have them at all. Anyways, she was really upset that I wans't following this stupid schedule. I guess it's not that stupid but if you think it's that important shouldn't you have hinted that there even was one before you just berate me like this. It was seriously like her saying:

Her: The man upstairs is upset that you never visit him?
Me: What man?
H: The man upstairs.
Me: I didn't know there was a man upstairs.
H: Well there is and he's been waiting for you to see him. I'm very angry about this.
M: Had I known about him I would've gone to see him?
H: Why don't you know about him? Why didn't you ask if there was a man who needed to be visited? Don't you think it was your responsibility?
M: WTF (not that I ever say this but seriously, it's ridiculous)

It's seriously retarded. Why would I ask if there was a schedule if you never mentioned a thing about it except that I had a week to call all these students? Anyways, it turns out there is a schedule but they only give it to the students and their mothers because the people doing the calling don't need to be told about it. They need to ask about it because it was their responsibility to assume it existed. It turns out mothers make their kids wait by the phone during this hour when they were told I would be calling. No wonder this mother thinks I'm not calling her kid.

Then she mentioned how she didn't appreciate it, well worded completely different but I don't remember how, I actually don't think there was an opener, that Renee, Matt, and I talk badly about the school sometimes in the presence of Korean teachers. I think she thought it was because we thought their English level was too low to be able to understand us. I'm guessing this because she made a big deal about how some of them have studied for seven years. It's beside the point really. It's more that I really don't care what they hear. I didn't feel like being discrete about my dislike of phone teaching and how useless it actually is. Also, Renee does the most badmouthing of anyone but she caught me and I was trouble for something else so why not make me the scapegoat for this. I've said maybe 2-3 bad things while Korean teachers were around. They weren't even that bad. Anyways, she didn't like how the foreign teachers just talked amongst themselves. Yet, it's perfectly acceptable for them to speak Korean to each other at all times and exclude us from everything that goes on. It really is hypocritical. I know that they talk about us while we're there. They even go out of their way to mask their conversation. Eunice, when she used to call and keep me on the phone for an hour every night, told me their make sure to use Korean words only. Ones that sound nothing like their English counterparts. Korean is so full of Konglish words. Don't they do this in North Korea? So I didn't appreciate that bit of hypocrisy. If you really wanted to integrate us you wouldn't speak only Korean and never try to initiate conversations with us. It happens maybe every other week. I'm not to bother to try. It's too hard to tell when a discussion has ended when it's in a foreign langauge. I apologized for that.

The funny thing was that ordinarily, I would've been so submissive and just bowed my head in shame while she lectured me. Even if what she was saying wasn't really applicable and I was completely unapologetic it's just what I would've done. I really felt nothing though. I wasn't even embarassed about being called into the little room where foreign teachers are given all kind of advices. That's right they call it advices. I just really didn't care at all.

Oh another thing. According to the schedule, I'm supposed to be calling students during the teachers' meeting. What kind of crap is that? I think Amy also thinks that crap has much worse connotations than it actually does. This based on her comment that we use bad language. Renee's the one who freaking said it, I just happened to be the nearest round-eyed person you felt like sharing this with. Amy actually apologized about not sharing the schedule but in a way that mostly said, 'I'm sorry you are such an idiot because I am truly wonderful and could never do anything wrong.' Amy by the way is the last link to old Wonderland days that you can read about at this link:

www.prisonerofwonderland.com

This is seriously the exact school where I work. They've changed a few things and it sounds like it's better than when she worked there. I at least get paid on time. I can't believe there was a time when it was worse than this. So now that the school is moving, the last links to it are all but gone to Western eyes. I didn't really want people to know the exact place where I worked but since it'll only be there until Tuesday, next week, there's no point hiding it. The move coincides with the first day of my scheduled vacation. Fantastique, non? Sarcasm really is a good coping mechanism. My BS level is near critical level. One more event or if I receive nothing when I am forced to sacrifice a day of my paid vacation, and I will have had it. I will quit and not be such a pushover about it. I am hoping to get air conditioning as a reward for my help. He doesn't even lose any money for the vacation either. The kids all pay for their 20 days a month. This is why my vacation stradles 2 weeks and 2 months. Paid vacation, my arse.

I'm feeling better now. Maybe it's time for some chicken. Smiley face, well at least an undecided face. I had better hear nothing about Alex's mother tomorrow though. Otherwise my feigned smiley face may sprout horns and a little goatee. Eyes the colour of rubies perhaps. I'm not sure.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Disturbing photos

Hillbilly chemo patient

2 Koreans I know

So here are some really unflattering photos of myself. They're from about 10 days ago. The guy in the middle brought his camera to the gym and decided I was an oddity worthy of photographing. Actually, he's a nice enough guy but I would have never met him had I been Asian. I wrote about it a few posts back I think or maybe I just thought about writing it. Anyways, the first pic is really bad. I don't know if I've ever seen a worse photograph of myself. Well, some of my grad photos were pretty bad. I look really unhealthy. I looked at it again. Definitely the worst picture. I look like some kind of backwoods yokel with cancer or like I've just been released from a concentration camp(I would say in but those people don't smile much). I need to start wearing my retainer again. My teeth look all crooked. I like how it looks like I'm touching myself too. Had I known it was a full body shot and I would've sat differentlly. Who photographs your whole body from 3 feet away. The larger photo looks much worse. Click it and then hit 'all sizes' right above it. So that's where no food and sleep has taken my appearance. Nice.

The second one isn't so bad. I don't look quite as deathly ill there. My hair though has either gotten bigger or my head is shrinking. I don't really know. Look for his hand wrapped around my waist. (I somehow wrote 'despite' instead off weight. See look, I can't type. Why can't I type waist? There we go. Took some concentration.) I know why I wrote despite now. Look for his hand wrapped around my waist despite him having to really extend his arms. The other guy is the other guy at the gym I would not know if I were Asian. I'm still not sure what his name is. Chen maybe. This is the guy with whose family I went out to eat.

Two posts in one day. What a feat.

A failed attempt, pig rectum, bungee jumping and a new superpower

It's been an interesting week but for some reason it doesn't actually feel like it has been. Anyways, shall I start the narrative?

I forget when I last wrote. I don't feel like checking. I'll start with Monday. It was another humdrum day. I don't remember what I did during my break. Something useless to be sure. Actually, I think I checked job postings. I had decided to quit the next day. We had our usual staff meeting. Maybe I wrote about Monday already. Let's jump ahead. Monday and Tuesday weren't interesting. I did have to miss my Korean lesson on Tuesday though so I could go to the presentation. This seems familiar too. One more day.

Wednesday. Wednesday was an awful day. I stayed up too late the night before. Maybe I was writing this. Hmmm. I don't know. Anyways, my Melons were a bit of a handful that day. I had them for 3 of their 4 English classes that day. I hate Wednesdays. I have 2 - 1.5 hour breaks between 10 and 8. So basically Wednesday I do nothing but work. I was going to quit on Tuesday but my boss was gone by the end of the day. Why do I stay later than the boss? There are only 5 people in the entire school from 6:30-8 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 3 students, myself, and one Korean just waiting to lock the door behind us. Anyways, I don't know why Wednesday was so bad. My last class I had had it. No outbursts or anything but it was very exhausting. It really is the hump in my week. If I make it through Wednesday, the week is practically over for me. Leave early on Thursdays and come in late on Fridays. I get to escape the school for 15 hours or something. Most days it's only 13 or something. I really wonder what it's like saying goodbye to your work environment for 16 hours......everyday. That would be nice. Anyways, I had my class of 3 boys. I went through their pages practically screaming out all the vocab words. I might as well be invisible in that class. After about 20 minutes of that I just gave them some paper. They like drawing.

So after that, I filled out my daily report and went to talk to Jupiter. I told him I was unhappy with my hours and that I wanted to give my 40 day notice. Actually, I put it a bit too politely. "I think I might have to give my notice." Anyways, he told me he knew it wasn't the best schedule, that in 2-3 months it would be different, he had big plans for the new school, etc. Being the passive person that I am just went with it. The decision to quit was made rather suddenly and I can always try to quit again. I've decided to give it at least another month. Because really, if I need to give 40 days notice that's over a month and if I make it to 6 months, I don't have to repay the initial airfare. I guess it's worth putting up with to save $1000. I have no idea how much the ticket was. Things seemed to get better after I tried to quit. My boss gave me a ride home the next day (never happens). He apologized again about my schedule and even asked if my apartment was hot. I downplayed it though. Why do I feel like I can't ever be demanding? Anyways, so that's that about work. It's starting to get hot again. Maybe I'll have to give an ultimatum during the week. This no sleep business makes everything so much worse. David was absent on Friday. I actually felt fine walking home.

So that's enough about work. I went out with Alex after trying to quit. We were pushed out of Starbucks (closing time 10:30) and walked around and went to a jazz bar. We had gone to this one bar before called Jazz on Jazz. No Jazz. This place was called That. There was no band playing but they actually played some jazz music. I also stumbled upon a painting there called 'Silence give consent.' I think I should try to incorporate that one into my life. It's actually a quote by Pope Boniface VII or some pope with a name like that and a number attached. I think it was really a quote about people doing unchristian things and the need to punish them for it probably. I was thinking about making a little plaque, well writing it on paper, and posting it above my work station. People complain about cubicles all the time. I would kill to have a cubicle.

The next night, I went out again. Alex, 2 of his Korean friends (30ish, I guess), and I went to a hotel that had a brewery in the basement. It was pretty good beer. We didn't stay there for very long. The Koreans decided to take us somewhere else. We ended up going to some little restaurant and eating Makjang (I don't know how to spell it so that's my guess). It's the specialty dish of Daegu. So here's how you make it. Find pig rectum, cut it up with scissors, put over flames, and consume. I really can't believe that I ate it. Nor could many of you who know what kind of eater I am. It was something about just being in the moment, I guess, or to say that I ate pig rectum or anus. Also, I need to eat more and had had a fair amount to drink. I also had little bugs of some kind that grossed out even a Korean. She spoke Italian. For some reason, it didn't seem the least bit strange that this Korean was speaking Italian. Sometimes, my life doesn't seem real. It was probably the surreality (if that's a word) that made me eat pig asstube. It turns out that the Koreans had actually hijacked the evening and destroyed Alex's plans for the night. That's really not for me complain about though.

Friday night, I didn't do much of anything. I hung out at home. I was going to do this but decided to order a pizza and watch my season finale of Alias. It was very disappointing, I must say. Worst episode ever. So that was Friday basically.

Saturday I had to go to work for a stupid speech contest. They told us to be there at 1:40 so the kids could rehearse. I started getting ready late so I was about 5-10 minutes late or something. I even took a taxi to get to the school. It's really kind of disappointing when you rush to get somewhere thinking you are late and then find out you'll just be sitting at your workstation for 40 minutes. I guess it was the Korean teachers who needed to be there that early. I really don't know what's going on half the time. After the speeches were over, they handed out little prizes to the kids. We had to go up and hand them out. Anyways, I go up and then go to sit back down again. Nope, I was supposed to stay up there. Then after handing out some more prizes, I decided I would stay up. Nope, I was supposed to go sit down. I wasn't really looking at the stage and Amy had to tell me to sit down over the microphone. I swear sometimes, I'm just like a chicken without a head or something. I have no clue what is going on. Matt and Renee mentioned that we should go out afterwards. They're nice people and all but their word means absolutely nothing. Jupiter 'invited' everyone to go out for supper. Renee said sorry but they had plans. So there I was stuck with a bunch of Koreans. That's when I discovered my superpowers. It turns out that I can become invisible. I'm not sure how I activate my superpowers and I think it fades every 15 minutes or so. It's a useful power though. I'm really glad I'm not the only waygook(foreigner) at my school. I can't even imagine what that must be like.

So afterwards, I came home. I wasn't feeling great. Alex was supposed to be spending the day with this Korean he met. Leaving the city and everything with a guy named Dragon. Yes, Dragon. It turned out not to be a great day for him either. We went out and got pretty drunk off Jack & Cokes. I met some non-North Americans and we all ended up going to Gypsy Rock. I'd never been there before. It's basically a foreigner bar with dancefloors and what not. There were a lot of Koreans though. I had a good time. I got drunk, I danced, I ditched my friend, I cut my leg somehow, and came home. Twice now, I've told the cab driver Wolbae Yok and he drops me off way past the station and just says Wolbae and points around to show me we're in Wolbae. Didn't you hear my 'yok' man? It's too much of a hassle so I just walk from wherever they let me off. It was only a 3 minute walk or something but still. I had the foresight to buy some water. I'm not sure how I managed that. I was shocked when I left the bar and it was dawn. I was surprised not be doing too badly today. I don't understand how mixing alcohols can make so much of a difference.

So today, I talked to my parents for a bit and then went to Woobang Towerland. It was a very surreal day. Maybe it was from the night before, I don't know. It was much more themed than I'd imagined it would be. Oh yeah. Woobang is an amusement park. It was very disneyfied. There was a haunted house there. It was so scary. I almost had several heartattacks let me tell you. Walking through a tunnel filled with slow moving hydraulic monsters sure is exhilarating. Anyways, I went with Alex and a guy from his work. We went on a few roller coasters. We went on one and on it I just felt like I wasn't there. I've really got to start eating and sleeping regularly. My world is definitely becoming more dreamlike. I wonder if my dreams are becoming more real. I'll be happy when summer is over and I can actually sleep well for at least one night. I'm so glad I'm only a temporary insomniac (I hope).

So after not feeling very alive, I decided I would shock myself alive by going bungee jumping. It was pretty fun actually. I wanted to do it again right afterwards. It went by so fast. It was only about $25 which is so much cheaper than it would be at home. I don't know how high it was. Maybe 20m or something. Not all that high. Maybe less. I'm a really bad judge of stuff like this. It was strange though. They made me put on this striped polo shirt and fitted me up at the bottom. I had to walk up an absurd amount of stairs feeling like a prisoner in my uniform and foot shackles with the attached rope being held in my hands. I was out of breath when I got to the top. It actually started to feel real when I got near the top. What the hell am I doing? So anyways, I was out of breath and the guy just wanted me to jump right away. He had to do the countdown twice. 3,2,1, bungee, nothing. I didn't jump. I don't know why I didn't. It became a bit too real maybe. Plus, I wanted to relax a bit after my strenous stairclimb. I jumped on the second countdown though which happened only 5-10 seconds later. It felt pretty cool to just free fall like that. It didn't last very long though. After the initial drop though it was almost relaxing to just bob up and down. It felt nice. I was just totally limp, not in control at all. Like a ragdoll, I was. I can't believe I went bungee jumping today. I felt like a bit of a fool afterwards too. I just wanted to smile. It was probably because of the massive amount of blood that had gone to my head or a rush of adrenaline or something. Maybe I should just spend more time hanging upside down.

This doesn't sound nearly as interesting as I thought it would. Maybe it's because I've gone back to feeling detached. I wonder if it's the no sleep, no food thing or whether it's just from living in Korea where I don't understand the reasoning behind many things and I can't communicate with like 99% of people. I'm going to start regimenting my diet. Ok it's 3 o'clock. Time for a sandwich or whatever. I'm down to 64 kilos. This can't be good.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

It'll have to be tomorrow

Well, I was going to quit today but I couldn't. At the end of the day, I couldn't find the director anywhere. I really hate Tuesdays. Everyone else goes home at 6:30 on Tuesdays. I'm there teaching the only class of 3 bratty teenage girls. I suppose technically, they are tweens. I'm not sure how old they are exactly. 11 or 12. Anyways, they drove a boy out of their class. They were so mean to that boy. I sided with him one day and made mortal enemies out of the girls. I was actually doubting whether or not I should quit today. I had a really good class with my kindies. I think it was mostly because I'd resigned to quit so I didn't feel as stressed as I usually would. Plus it was just science, so they run around having fun and their experiments didn't work at all. I don't know how the designers expected us to make whistles from straws. Anyways, that was kind of fun. Then I planned and came home for about an hour. It could've been 2.5 hours but I had to go back for a presentation at 2. A time that works well for those who had been teaching right before 2. I understand and all but during lunch on my Tuesday. I'm supposed to be free during that time. The presentation was ok. We had to pretend to be 8 year olds. The presenter was demonstrating a lesson for one of the classes we share. It was full of games and fun exercises. I doubt she does that normally. It was just like my presentation. An idealised version that's too time consuming to actually prepare as a real lesson. Why bother really?

Then since the presentation ended around 230. I still had an hour to kill before starting my afternoon. You see, if I thought of it as an hour off it would be fine but it seriously just feels like time to kill. I took a little walk. I found a school that I had sent an email to. It was an ad posted online somewhere. You'd think in a city of 2.5 million people that the school wouldn't be 5 minutes from where I work now. It's actually further from where I live now too. The only nice thing about where I live is its proximity to the subway station. Then I went back to work and continued my downward spiral getting more tired and angrier. I don't remember the last time I walked home not being angry. I wonder if I ever did. I think maybe once or twice when I felt so free being released at 730. I had recharged somewhat during the weekend. Not enough to feel rested but I was getting there.

Yesterday, we had the staff meeting. Same as always. Korean, Korean, Korean, stuff we could read off the agenda, Korean, Korean, ask for some suggestions about something, korean, dismiss our suggestion and do something completely different, more korean, then a bit more, then a lot more and then 'thank you teachers, goodnight.' Then that mother was back today to ask more of Renee during her break. I also found out that I have to stay late on Friday moving stuff out of the big room for the speech contest. I thought it was going to be downtown with other schools. I hope I at least get to sit down at a real table in real chairs. The preliminary rounds where they weed out all those that make the school look bad(like 75%), I had to sit in a tiny little chair made for 3 year olds. It was seriously a foot off the ground. I don't know how the plan changed or why they didn't bother telling us the plan had changed. They told it to us like it had always been this way. Maybe it was. I really only learn information from the meeting agendas. Occasionally, something will be put on the calendar but that's always some unexpected piece of not-so-good news.

I forget my phone teaching stuff at work today. It's so sad that I won't be able to talk on the phone tonight. I would really like to look at my daily schedule or weekly one whatever without mumbling obscenities to myself. #$#$#% Phone teaching tonight. @#$# phone teaching next week, evaluations, presentations, etc. etc. At the end of the day, I knew that quitting was a good decision. I don't know how long it will take to find another job here though. So far, I've only seen ones listed online, which I'm sure aren't the best ones. Maybe though, I know enough people that I can get some word of mouth jobs. Ones so good and well sought after that no one ever knows they're available. I can hope anyways.

I'm definitely going to quit tomorrow. Maybe at the beginning of my lunch hour since I pretty stuck there all day on Wednesdays.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

I'm going to quit

I've decided that the time has to come to abandon my post. I think I'm probably going to give my notice on Tuesday. I'm just not happy working there. I just keep getting angrier day by day. I was such a bad teacher on Friday. My terrible class again. May, the one who wanted to learn, quit and I don't blame her at all. She wasn't going to learn a thing. It's 3 boys now. None of them listen to me. They draw constantly in class and don't listen. I took their notebooks away and then their pencils. One fought to keep it and I ended up just breaking the lead. Same effect. He cried and I felt satisfaction. What kind of person delights in making someone cry? I really don't want to become this type of person. I would really love to make David cry. How sick is that?

I also can't sleep, which is probably influencing my thoughts a lot. To put me up in an apartment in the hottest city in Korea without air conditioning just really reflects how they treat their employees I think. Last night, I lost my mind a bit. Nothing really seemed very real to me. I tried to sleep and couldn't. I don't know why. I ended up laying in my bed with headphones on and singing loudly. It was about 4 in the morning I guess. I'm sure people could hear me and all but what difference does it make. I hear them having arguments at 3 in the morning. There are windows so close to mine. I used to think it was coming from the street. I don't know why. Then some guy started watering the street and brushing it or something.

I thought about quitting at the 6 month mark so that I wouldn't have to repay the airfare but if I'm not happy now, I won't be any better the next 3 months. I hate this downward spiral and quitting is the only way to make it stop I think. I enjoy a few of my classes. I even enjoy my kindergarten class but the hours are terrible. I feel like I'm working from 9:30 to 8:00 everyday. The mornings are light I guess. I only have 2 classes. One hour class and the other is 30 minutes. The problem is that they are spread out over 4 hours. Which really means that I have to stick around for a bunch of hour breaks, 40 minute breaks, and all this other stuff so I'm basically just stuck at the school. Then there's the lunch break 1.5 hours. Not much to do with that really either. From 3:30 to 8:00, I am in the classroom the whole time. I don't get to sit down and have maybe 5 - 5 minute breaks which is just enough to time to grab stuff for the next class and sit for maybe a minute or 2 just waiting for the little chime of doom to ring. How could the same sound be both the sweetest sound and the one I dread the most? It rings at the end of class too. I have too many monsters in my classes. I spend more time raising my voice than I do any actual teaching. I have yelled more in the past 3 months than the entire rest of my life. Actually, it's probably 3 times more than the during the rest of my life. I can't think of anytime in the past 10 years where I have actually yelled except the past few months. I used to be so easy going. Even when my friend turned onto a one-way highway going the wrong way (a sure recipe for death), I just said 'I think you are going the wrong way.' I could see cars coming right at us. I'm surprised I was so calm. Now I'm just a pissed-off yelling machine who enjoys the sound of crying children. I hate it.

I really don't feel respected at the school either. They gave the kids speeches and passed them to the foreign teachers to correct. I corrected them and made them sound like something English speakers would say. They changed a few things but it was still full of mistakes and odd expressions that made no sense. Why ask me to correct it just to keep it the same way? I guess they just want me to say 'yes, this is an excellent speech. It totally sounds like a native speaker wrote this. This is seriously award-winning material.' I feel embarrassed for some of the kids that will be doing their speeches. They aren't good but I'm not going to waste more time on them. They have a speech contest next Saturday for all the Wonderland schools in Daegu. I can't imagine the others would be better though. If there are kids that show promise in the school, I feel a bit sorry for them and like telling their parents that they should send their kids elsewhere. One of their speeches actually had this line it 'I can get the best english classes which korean teachers lead. I have interaction with foreign teachers too.' It really is just like I'm there for the kids to look at and make the parents say. 'Wow, foreign teachers, my kids won't respect them and neither will any of the other teachers but they're enough to fool me into think my child will get a good education here.' My boss has stopped smiling when he sees me and his wife is always looking through the windows of my classes. I really try to do my best but there's only so much I can do. I yell too much for it be effective anymore. Then there are teachers meeting which are 95% Korean and we just sit there waiting for them to talk a bit of English. They'll ask our opinion and just dismiss it. It's such a waste of an hour and a half. They feed us and then talk about us. One of the other teachers, who used to call me just to practice English, told me they would discuss why I wasn't eating the food or some other trivial thing about us. Why do we have to sit through that? It's only once a month but it's during our week of phone teaching too. They expect me to call 30+ students 3 times (until we get a hold of them, only once for each kid) when I get home at 8:30 and they eat up all my Monday night. There's no way I'll be calling on a Friday or a weekend night. So that's 3 hours total to have 150 minutes worth of conversation. After 3 kids, I don't feel like doing it anymore. This is another part of the show to impress the parents and it really only shows me how little they are learning or retaining in class.

Then there are other things that bother me too. First, they feel like they can just demand things of us. We had to sacrifice our vacation basically to help the school move. They gave us 5 days off from Wednesday to Tuesday. Why can't I have Monday to Friday? Two halfweeks blows but it was acceptable, I guess. Then our boss tells us not to make plans for Wednesday or Thursday because the school is changing locations and we need to set-up the school. Does he give us any kind of incentive? Any compensation? Nope, it's just a demand. It'll probably be accompanied by some meal or something. Unpaid days helping rewarded with a lousy meal. Thanks. Then, the other day the mother of one of Renee's students needed some paper of hers corrected. Was she asked if she would mind doing it as a favour? Nope, just you're going to do this and there's nothing you can do about it. She was rewarded with some kind of pastry. Oh boy. Her and Matt worked on it and they said it was actually kind of fun and interesting. Luckily for them. Really though, why should we be forced to do this extra work? They do pay us on time and give us housing but that's not a free pass to give us no consideration. Then, on Friday, when I was signing my pay slip, I noticed this 200,000 won or $200 US deposit deducted from my wages. I didn't know what it was for. I looked in my contract and found that they are going to deduct 200,000 from our first 3 paycheques to cover utilities for the 2 months after we leave. Why do they need 600,000 won to cover 2 months of utilities? I think I pay like 50,000 a month in utilities. It's supposed to make its way to our home bank accounts 2 months after we leave. I can just imagine them keeping it. What are we really going to do about it a whole ocean away? Matt and Renee believe it's just 200,000 total. They were discussing it a few days before this incident. I doubt they know they have a collective 1,200,000 being held from them. I wonder what other aspects of the contract we are supposed to forget. Then, my contract states that I will receive my one month bonus after the completion of the 12th full teaching session. I started on the 5th day of the first session maybe so I'm sure they could use that to screw me out of it. I never thought they would but this deposit issue, which sounds really illogical and easily a way to just trick us out of $400+, really makes me question that. As does, all the talk about me that I'm assuming is going on behind closed doors. 'Some of his classes are really out of control but let's not help him and just keep discussing it and give him disapproving looks when we see him.' Amy did talk to Jessy the other day about his behaviour. I write something about him in my daily report everyday. He was good on Friday but I'm sure it was just a one day effect. I would love to see him cry too.

Matt and Renee, I think, have just resigned to accept things. They only have 4 months left and don't want to rock the boat. Renee would've gone to him about the vacation thing if it had been in her first few months. She isn't afraid to say what she is thinking. It makes her a bit unliked at work but I really respect her for it. One of her students stole from her and was then made student of the month. Renee refused to give it to her for that month. She just flat out told them no. Next month was fine but not this month. They talked to her and Renee backed down and ended up writing something. I don't know what was said but the fact she said no to begin with was nice to see. I get the impression that Renee is respected as a teacher and Matt is well liked but they don't like Renee and think Matt isn't a great teacher. It really would be nice to be part of couple. At least they have each other. Meanwhile, I have no better half to make up for my shortcomings or to make me less lonely. My schedule just really keeps me from doing anything during the week and the only people I seem to meet all live downtown. I can't go on like this. Spend the weeks, tired, angry, and lonely and then continue feeling too tired to do anything on the weekend. I get just enough rest to just make me think that I can possibly put up with another week. Life's too short to go on like this. There are better jobs here that pay better, have no split shifts, no phone teaching, no occasional weekend crap do to. I wonder what the teachers from the other Wonderlands think. Renee was thinking of drinking during this contest speech contest next week. She was kidding mostly but it really doesn't sound like a bad idea. I think if I did have friends in this part of town, I'd end up drinking every night and just bitching about work. I do that here instead and there's no alcohol involved.

A lot of people, end up just hating Korea by the time they leave. By the time you realize how much you're putting up with you just want to get out of there with your bonus as quickly as possible. Why quit and start at month 0 again? I could put up with all the crap at work if it weren't for my schedule or location I think. Or I could put up with my schedule and location if it weren't for all the other bullshit. Give me downtown and no split shifts or make it a really nice work environment. The school's not going to change so I'm going to go. I could care less about the bonus or return airfare. I'll just work for 9 months or so in Korea and leave. If I do end up really liking wherever I work next maybe I'll stay. I always told myself I'd never do anything for money that I wouldn't do for free. The bonus, while a nice incentive, wouldn't be enough to make me stay if I were miserable. I have no illusions about it. That's something I don't understand about Renee. She hates almost everything about Korea and says she would be gone if someone else paid her return ticket. Why come here for money if you have no sense of adventure and hate everything else about it? My sense of adventure has been slowing dying but I'm going to reclaim it.

Usually, I just take whatever I'm given and then complain later. I'm not very good at being assertive. I think it's time to do something about that. I can't spend another 9 months ( or even 3, I was aiming for 6 to avoid repaying airfare) living like this especially at 23. I spent many more months being miserable in Corpus Christi. My youth is slipping away and I don't want it to be full of times like these. I admit my job could be worse but I've resolved to make it better. I don't want to end up as an insurance salesman in Nebraska for the rest of my life, if you know what I mean. Why put up with something because it's one step above completely intolerable?

Thursday, July 07, 2005

You'll have to see where it goes

I'm never to going to sleep again, I don't think. At least not well, and definitely not while I'm in Korea, well this little block of it. I was feeling tired yesterday and went to bed at a decent time I think. I guess 1am isn't decent but it's better than other nights. I was just dozing off I think and then someone starts welding or something outside of my apartment at 1:30. I really don't know what he was doing but it was either some kind of grinding noise or engine revving. Actually, it was an engine, probably some bike. I thought welding though would add something even more ridiculous to it. I don't know how long it went on. I was semi-conscious the whole night. Maybe I should just become an ether addict or something. I imagine it's about the same and should at least be enjoyable. After the bike, there was arguing, and then neighbour's lights and more arguing. My curtains aren't as awesome as I thought but I can at least move right next to the window now and I'm fine. I used to be able to sleep the whole night through and now I just wake up and want to cry. Too bad no one will come to feed me or bring me drinks now. Perhaps, I'm regressing. I don't actually want to cry, I'm just really angry.

I'm a much angrier person these days. I've never been pissed off so many consecutive days. Usually, I'm so mellow and will get depressed and bored but not angry. I think it's only every few months that I have something to be angry about. I come home from work now and feel like just being mad for several hours. I think it's related to my sleep. Let's say I have a magical fuse and it's very long. Usually it's unlit but if it is lit it will burn down very slowly so that the explosion is very unlikely. It also grows back to it's original length everynight or overtime anyway. These days it's much easier to light, it burns much faster, and continues to shorten at night or at least grows back very very little. I've hardly exploded though. I wonder what day it will be where I finally just become the hulk or something. These days, I just lean my head back and take a deep breath and then shake it in a sad, kind of annoyed, yet slightly amused kind of way. How could this be my life? If I ever do kill anyone in this country though it will very likely be on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday night between 7:25 and maybe 10. Most likely a Wednesday. It's been building and there's no weekend to immediate look forward to.

I was thinking about it yesterday though as I was walking through E-Mart looking for a shower curtain (for a kitchen window) and some index cards, how did I end up walking through E-Mart looking for a shower curtain and index cards in suburban Daegu, Korea? I know you could probably stop at just about any time in life and ask yourself that. It's something you probably never thought you would do but it just seemed very weird to me. I wonder where I will be a year from now.

It is a bit pathetic though that I spent more time thinking about potential vacation destinations than I did making enormous decisions. Korea only being one. I considered it and thought it was too impractical an idea. I had just got back home from a trip to South America and was going to find a serious job in Edmonton and just live at home for a year to make more travel money. I, my parents rather, had just got me a new car. There was no real reason to leave. I was prepared to have a boring year at home. I had a bad interview, went back to that ad I saw, and thought I'd apply. What would be the harm? I'd probably never hear anything anyway. Less than 24 hours later, I had a call. At first the idea of teaching English in a foreign country seemed appealing. It had everything I was looking for except it was in South Korea. I had this 3rd world view of Korea in my mind for some reason. I think it stems from the fact that they eat dogs. I just imagined a big alley with some stray dogs and garbage. I knew it wasn't really what Korea was like but that was my image. Then, and this will be embarrassing to admit. I saw Lost and there was a Korean couple. I don't think I'd seen anything set in Korea before. Anyways, it made me reevaluate my view of Korea. Maybe it really was a very developed country, practically like Japan (never having been to Japan). I've realised that it's probably in between. At least, my little part of town in Dalseogu. Even though Tokyo is probably just a bunch of bright lights it really does make it seem more modern. I wonder if my opinion would be different if I was walking through a very central urban street everyday instead of walking through a series of alleyways everyday to get to work. It's depressing walking 10-15 minutes without seeing much life. I walk through 2 little parks on my way to work. Those parts are alright but the other 10 minutes are quite ugly. I think they have some trees and whatnot but they are all behind big walls so I don't see any of it. Concrete and not much glass isn't pretty to look at. How did I end up here? Not Korea, just this train of thought.

Anyways, I contemplated Korea for a couple days and then all of the sudden I'd signed a contract.

I had a strange experience today. I was going back to work after my Korean lessons. I was going to be there 5 minutes later than I would've liked and I crossed the one street I cross everyday that isn't a big intersection. Anyways, I crossed and then this woman yells out from her car 'excuse me.' I had walked in front of her car to cross since there aren't lights on that part of the street. She would've never hit me but I thought either she wants me to help her with directions or was concerned that I might have thought she rude for not slowing down more or something. That was really only when she didn't get out of car right away. She just stops her car in the middle of the street really and comes over to talk to me. It turns out she has started learning English. I'm so naive sometimes. Of course, it had nothing to do with the situation only that I look like an English speaker. Anyways, I have a hard time being forward with people so now this 40 something woman in my area has my email address and I have her cell number. It's really just easier sometimes to give people what they want. I should've never stopped. I'm going to start pretending I'm French, Spanish, or Danish from now on. I hear there are a few Russians in Korea but mostly in port cities. If only I knew a more Russian sounding language. It would be hard explaining what a Dane would be doing living in Korea without any English skills. My Danish is pretty bad at the moment but it's good enough to confuse a Korean. French is probably a better option. It sounds less Germanic and I speak it better but I don't know, French isn't exciting to me.

Also, the other day I was at the gym and my middle aged guy was there and this other guy. Short story, the other guy had a camera and now he's going to email pictures to me. What a strange place where I could end up having pictures taken by some guy that I've hardly spoken to just for looking the way I do. I've spoke to him twice before. Once he asked where I from and the next time to tell me I should eat protein. He says hello to me though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm this minor celebrity in my area. That woman told me she had seen me several times before. I don't know how. I would've never thought I'd make a memorable impression before. I guess it's because I'm white. I am much more noticeable than a local I guess which is probably why I'd never recognize her if I'd seen her before.

I guess that's all for today. 친고를 만나요 (Probably completely wrong).